#Reverb10-Prompt 25

Photo - a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you
from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are,
or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand
words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about
you.
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This photo was taken in Cape Cod Massachusetts the day of a family friend's wedding on September 18th, 2010. This photo was taken by a good friend named Sas who has guided me through many situations, often without her even knowing it!
I love this photo particularly because it represents all of the changes I went through in 2010. I lost 35 pounds by the time this photo was taken and was/still am on my way to dropping another 20 for 2K11. This photo also represents the confidence I hope that I embody and the confidence that I hope that I can continue to tap into, be proud of and make my own. In other blogs I have talked about how hard it has been for me to own my confidence, and more importantly --own me. Well this picture captures a moment where I started to OWN IT! This day also does that as well, I began to notice my inner beauty a lot more this day as many of the wedding guests, friends and family were noticing my outer beauty. It is something else to be able to say that you are proud of the person you have become and can only hope to continue to grow in light and in love.
I hope that the smiling, proud young woman continues to be just as happy and full of pride in 2K11 as she was on 9-18-10

#Reverb10- Prompt 24

What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?
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The best moment of 2010 that served as proof that everything would be alright had to be hands down: sitting in Philly by the waterfront after participating in a job interview; and checking my email to find out that I had gotten into Grad School. I have had a path set ahead for me to be able to reach all of my goals and one of those goals were to go to American University and graduate with both my BA and my MA. And here I am, at American University I have my BA degree and working towards my MA.
I have always been a worry wort, I know that I don't have the financial stability to achieve these goals on my own, but they are not things that I am giving up on either. I have prayed about it and while I do have my doubts and like I said worry- I always seem to think that the other shoe is going to fall and the goals I have before me are just one step away from slipping away from me. But truth be told, my dreams are closer than I could ever imagine and getting into the school of my dreams and doing the things that I am has made me realize even more how blessed I am and yes "Things will be alright!"
I think I need to know to have a little bit more faith. I haven't been steered wrong by God, He always has my back, even when I feel that I am in the worst of times He has made it possible to live another day. So what I need to do in order to incorporate this discover into the year ahead is I need to just TRUST the path I am on and keep moving forward.

#Reverb10-Prompt 23

Let's meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?
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Ha Ha Ha! This is funny because when I go out to clubs and parties, I definitely have a new name. So I guess if I could be anyone for just a day it would be my alter ego Chloe Carter.
Why would I call myself Chloe? That seems so simple, Chloe is a fun side of myself, that if I could choose I would choose to have that name. I don't think there is a real valid reason behind it, but it is one that I could think about more as I go into the new year.

#Reverb10- Prompt 22

How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?
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My travel in 2010 was light. I mainly drove between D.C. and NY. However, I did spend a day in Philly met up with a friend while I was there had lunch and just hung out. This spring I also spent a week in New Orleans and Mississippi.
Next year however, I have high aspirations for travel. I would like to revisit the places I spent time in as a child. So I would like to do a tour of the U.S before I am 30, just one huge road trip between the states eating my way through this great country and just seeing the country.
I plan to make my first international trip in 2011, returning to the country of my heritage--Haiti. I can't wait to go and be of service to a place that holds a very dear place in my heart. While I do not think I will be financially stable to travel as I want to, what I do know is that I have made plans to travel and travel far. I am making plans for a trip to Spain and Europe. I want to spend a weekend in Chicago (but only in the summer). 2011 will bring my first trip back to Cali after 2 years. Much needed, you have NO CLUE what the Bay Area means to me and I would do anything to just be able to go, even if it was for a day or even 3 days. I would make it all work.
Traveling is something I have always enjoyed and something that I want to do more of. And given that I AM 25, I have the ability to do more and see more of the world at this age than I will once I am working and start my family.
So traveling is a high priority for the new year.

#Reverb10- Prompt 21

Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)
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This is funny,because I tend to do this already as it is. Every birthday I reflect on the life I have and the life I want to make sure that I am on the right track to achieving those goals.
So 5 years from now, I would hope to be a top Political Analyst in some fashion working on public policy for a huge non-profit or Government Agency. Advice for my future self:
Stay true to yourself and the values that you hold dear. The road ahead is not going to be an easy one by far and the road you have journeyed on so far is a testament of that truth. So for your future self, I hope that you are very happy, focused and living the life that you have wanted. I know that serving is something that means a lot to you and I hope that you have at least let go of the concern and fear of not being successful. When I say that I wish you were happy, I wish that you were happy and free from the chains of your own fear. Without letting anything hold you back. You tend to hold on to a lot of pain that while you know that you can be successful you let that pain turn into doubt and you wait constantly for the other shoe to drop rather than being happy and content with the life that you are leading. So the advice I will give you, enjoy the life that you have. In five years if you aren't married and having kids I hope that you are at least enjoying your life, traveling and seeing the world the way that you want to. And know that if in 5 years the life you want isn't the one you have--it doesn't mean that that life still isn't great. As long as you can share it with good company, friends and family you will be very well off and all the better.


A letter to a past love:
Dear Keesha (age 15):
I know that the road ahead seems very bleak, considering the life that you have and the one that you had. It might seem now that things are never going to get better, that the life you live with your mother is going to become worse but I want to share something with you- YOU WILL SURVIVE it all. And there is this saying--Whatever doesn't kill you will make you stronger, I have to tell you that there is so much truth in that statement and you are a living testimony to that saying.
Don't look at the choices you are making as mistakes, there are many opportunities to change these choices but even these times in your life make you a so much better person in the future. You have lived the lifetime of three lives and it is simply amazing to see the woman that you have become.
Hold on to those nice qualities that you have, the one where you give the people in your life the benefit of the doubt before they disappoint you, the one where you allow your friends to get second chances etc. Because it only makes you a better and more loved person.
Most importantly the only thing I wish I could tell you at 15 is to have faith, continue to hold on to that innocence that you have and don't ever let it go.
With all the love in the world.
You at 25,
Keesha

#Reverb10- Prompt 20

What should you have done this year but didn't because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)
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I live my life with a certain level of uncertainty and worry. I stress myself out more than the work that I do. It's funny people have told me all of my life how smart I am, to be honest I know that I have the smarts because the grades I get tell me so, but when I am in a classroom I tend to not have that much faith in me. I get feelings during my classes that the grades that I am reaching for are far out of my reach. By the time midterms and finals arrive I am one hot mess, pulling crazy all-nighters and losing so much weight I make myself sick. Literally.
So are there things I am scared about, worried about, or unsure of- EVERYTHING! But I don't live my life in fear, even though I am scared about the initial opportunity but I do it anyway. I mean I moved 3,000 miles away without anyone really prompting me to. I also decided to begin my life in a completely new area that I have never lived in before. Where I virtually had no friends except for the ones I made at school and at work. So am I deterred by taking on things. No not really, I might be a little apprehensive but I still take on whatever it is that I set myself to.
So next year I don't worry that I won't be able to accomplish the things that I set out to take on. What I am worried about is the fear of failure. That has been the one thing that I hold on to. In a previous prompt we were asked what 11 things could we get rid of; while I don't have a total of 11. I do know that one thing in particular that I would like to get rid of is my fear of failure. I hold on to it like a second skin and it doesn't always help me with my confidence.

#Reverb10-Prompt 19

What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?
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This year I was healed by going to a counselor. I have been back and forth to counselors over the years and I have felt that returning to this form of "treatment" as a way to get through all the funk I have been through over the years.
Was the healing sudden, no not really. It took months of sessions with my counselor before I started to feel somewhat normal. I am an avid supporter of therapy simply because I know the role it has played in my life and I have been very happy with it and wish to continue only because it is good to talk to someone who isn't involved in your everyday life. There is something fascinating that must be said about this relationship you have with a person and how much you let them into your life to just be an ear to listen to and a person to turn to when advice is needed.
Each session has it's low and high points, so the healing is drip-by-drip, day-by-day, session-by-session. Will I ever be completely healed? I don't know. How would I like to be healed in 2011 I don't know yet. I think everyone needs a little bit of healing but what determines that healing and how we go about getting it is always going to be different.

#Reverb10-Prompt 18

What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn't go for it?
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This is going to sound somewhat stupid and there is no way to really "try" it is all about just doing; but next year I want to try and date. OMG, I cannot believe I am writing this. But I am 25 and I have had a few "serious" boyfriends and more "friends" than I have had dating and getting to know people. Most of these "friends" and boyfriends have been from my inner circle of friends or circle of people I know either through school, work or the other millions of things I do in my life. But I haven't necessarily dated, it has gone from flirting to some sort of relationship. When I turned 25 it was something I wanted to at least be open to, to dating. Well this year I have only gone on one date and it was such a flop I wasn't sure if I wanted to do it again. But to be honest there is something to say about being single and not really having fun. I mean I like being single but being single would be fun if I was dating. I mean I am single and rarely go out and to be honest I miss cuddling with someone. I don't care if they are my boyfriend or friend, but I just want someone who I can watch a movie with. Call to ask if they want to go out to dinner or bowling or something of that nature.
So this is what I attempted but failed miserably at this year and something that I want to try for next year.

#Reverb10- Prompt 17

What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?
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As I have alluded to and spoke about in previous blogs the backdrop of my parents' broken relationship has played a toll on the woman that I am. Some of it good, some of it bad. And this year I was able to let go of more of those negative pressures and focus on myself a little bit more. So the best thing that I learned about myself this past year is that I no longer have to live my life in fear of my parents' shortcomings. I have for the longest time felt that no matter what other people have told my-- there was something wrong with me and that was why my parents split and also why they are the way they are.
But for the first time I have learned to live out of that shadow and to live my life for me. No longer holding on to the past as a background of my story, but only holding on to the present and looking forward to the future.
Applying this lesson for the future I hope to build on the confidence I have gained and find more ways to be happy with me. One it's no longer holding on to the errors that other people have made towards me, whether it's no being very good friends or human beings. Two, it's me owning the ability to cut people out of my life that are toxic. I think that I have done a fairly good job of distancing myself from these people that have caused a lot of trouble or just been too much about the drama that it hinders me from continuing to progress. And lastly applying this lesson is me owning that there are many things out of my control but the one thing that I can hold on to make me truly happy is owning that there are things out of my control and moving on from there.

#Reverb10-Prompt 16

How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?
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If you had asked me this a year ago, I might have had a better response to give you, but given that I had a friendship that changed my view in the past the way I value friendships today is MUCH different.
My friends often tell me that I am too nice. I go above an beyond the "call of duty" when it comes to my friends. Mainly because due to my tumultuous family background, my friends have often been the only stable group in my life. And being "raised" in California I was largely being raised by my older friends. Working at Chili's over the years provided me with a great base of people to turn to when I need/needed it. One of those friendships was someone I relied on for the better part of my high school career and the first few years of college. He was my first crush and my best friend. I looked to him for guidance in so many areas of my life. Even when we were no longer working together I had his back and I thought he had mine. I don't know what went wrong or if there was anything I did that was wrong. What I do know is that for the last 3 years I have heard nothing from him. Even after reaching out during those times when I thought it best to. But what I learned is that I care too much for people and that most often my above and beyond is not the same that others would even think to do for me.
It's not to say that I have to have a shield around myself in order to test my friendships but I feel that everyone goes through this life searching for someone they can relate to. And the people that I have been most able to relate to even as a kid were guys. So with my old best friend cutting me out of his life with no explanation--it kills me! I hate it and it leaves me frustrated and annoyed about everything. There are moments that I think of him when I have something great I want to share and I remember that he is no longer that person in my life. Even now as I type this the emotion of it all still rushes back to me. I am mixed with both anger and deep sadness because I know that if there was anything I could do to get it back I would. But there is also a part of me who has realized I'm over giving second chances. I don't know the person he is today and to be honest I don't know if I want to know who he is considering that the person he is now is a person who has hurt me more than he will ever know.
To answer the question, was the change gradual or a sudden burst. Well the initial shift in our friendship was a sudden burst, but my accepting that this was where our relationship stood; well that was gradual and something that I still cannot explain or figure out. What I do know is that while I am searching for that "best friend" I am also no longer as shocked by the disappointment of being let down either.

#Reverb10- Prompt 15

Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in
five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most
want to remember about 2010.
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If I could capture a few things to remember bout 2010, I would definitely remember my 25th birthday. Turning 25 was the moment that changed the confidence I have had in myself. I have become more positive in my thinking and have let go of all of the extra clutter in my life. So that is one memory that I would love to hold on to from 2010, the moment where I got my life back (started living).
Another memory that I would love to capture from my 2010 memory bank is of course my graduation from American University. If I do nothing with my Master's degree, than what I do have is the fact that I received my BA, one goal of mine that while I didn't expect it to take this long, it was something that I achieved for myself. I am very proud to have set out to reach a goal, get there and surpass even my own expectations while doing it.
The last memory I would like to hold on to from 2010 is the moment I let go of a true love. He may not know who he is, but I do. And I know what he meant to me and while I never told him it is something that I don't want to forget. Mainly because I don't want to forget the reality of letting go. There are reasons why we say goodbye to people, because they are only meant to be in our lives for a minute or a season, and so I need to remember this in order to move forward.

#Reverb10-Prompt 14

What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?
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This is not at all a need to toot my own horn, but I have to say that one thing I have come to appreciate the most this past year is myself. I have lived my life for so long trying to please other people and making sure others were satisfied before I began to "take care" of myself. But this year I got in tune with myself. From experience I know that people tend to say that as individuals we don't really know the type of people we want to be, but I have been blessed to at least have an idea of the person that I want to become. But what I have been lacking was confidence in myself, and for the first time I feel that I am finally in sync with who I want to be and what I want to become.
How do I express gratitude for this, I live my life better than the day before and continue to live my life to the fullest and to the best of my abilities. I do not want to get held up in the things I can't control, only the things that I can. And I know that because I have allowed myself to become more confident in the things I know that I am good at I have begun to have more positive habits to lean on. For instance I have had weight issues for most of my adolescent to adult life, and this is the first year that I have not teetered back and forth in the weight gain/loss swing. I have held on to the growth that I have created and I have continued to stick with the program. Something that I can only hope I continue to do in order to get to where I want to go.
So in my appreciation of myself and how far I have come in my self development and my identity support, I show my gratitude by not forgetting how far I have come and where I want to go. I show my gratitude by continuing to be committed to my goals and my dreams.

#Reverb10-Prompt 13

When it comes to aspirations, its not about ideas. It's about making ideas happen. What's your next step?
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There is something about this prompt that is a little funny. Why? Because action seems to be my motto. My university personal statement was about "Ideas into Action and action into service" something of a motto at our school. And something that I believe in as well. I also use this saying often " Actions speak louder than words" I believe whole heartedly that my actions speak much louder than the words that I say. If I am going to get anywhere in life I want my actions to be able to attest to the person that I want to be.
So when it comes to my aspirations the same metality applies. I have many goals in life and it is easier to say that one day I will reach these goals versus actually doing something to get to those goals. I have been through a lot in my life and I have never left any these obstacles stop me from acheiving my goals. If I stop for one moment, by giving up or sucummbing to my own fear of not reaching these goals than I ultimately should just turn the clock back 6 years and continued working at Chili's after High School. It would have saved me a lot of money and a lot of stress, that's for sure. But that's not what this life is about. I do the things that I do to ensure that I have a legacy to leave behind me. While I would like to rest, there is no rest for the driven. I can rest once I know that the goals and dreams I have set for my family, my legacy are fullfilled. Sucess is even more of an aspiration because generational wealth is not something that many Black families are able to pass on to their families and it is something that I definitely want to pass on to my children. I want them to still have to work because the value of working is important but I want them to also have a little bit of ease in the choices that they make because I have provided enough for them. I don't want to have my children feel the things that I have to feel and have felt due to a lack of financial stability etc. So I "grind" like I do so that I can live my life with a little bit of ease and begin to set the foundation for my family to do the same. The next step is to continue to do me, to continue on this path that God has set for me because I feel it in my bones and in my heart that this is where I am meant to be and this is where I will continue to do the most work until I am told otherwise.

#Reverb10- Prompt 12

This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn't mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?
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There is not one time when I feel most integrated with my body, but there are definitely moments this year where I have felt more connected to my body than I have had in a long time and that is when I run.
When I run I take the time to think, to talk to God and to just get in touch and sort out the thoughts that I have in my head. Running is therapy at times, especially when I have had a hard day, i am able to clear my head and think about all of the things that are bothering me. It helps me sort the clutter and come up with a game plan to let it all go.
When I started running it was hard for me, I never felt like I could breathe right, I was always stopping short and it just didn't seem as if I had it at all together. But now after running for the last, what?, 2 years, I run and it's like my body doesn't skip a beat. Especially when there are times that I don't run consistently. I find that I am more in tune when I am able to run long distances after taking these longer breaks in between running days. I used to have to talk (literally) talk myself into running further distances. But now I just do it, it is seamless and actually a lot of fun. So when I run, or workout I feel that my body and my mind are the most in sync. I don't have the distraction of a cell phone to be focused on, it is just me and my body working hard to achieve a certain goal.

#Reverb Prompt- 11

What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How
will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things
change your life?
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This is such a good prompt. What 11 things can I get rid of:
1. Fear
2. Drama
3. Lack of Confidence
4. Stressing over other people's lives and actions
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.

(12-14-2010: So I am going to need to come back and really think about 11 things I can get rid of in 2011. This one is interesting...)

#Reverb 10- Prompt 10

What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how
did it play out?
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The wisest decision I made was to FINALLY let go of the people in my life who have in someway inflicted pain into my life. And not so much let them go, but let go of the pain itself. I have had many issues with my mother in respect to the fact that she abducted me, took me away from my family and friends. And more importantly because she blames me for the actions that she has taken. I know that I could always hold on to the pain that my mother caused me, but I know that if I do I will let the resentment and the drama consume and hinder me from reaching the girls that I want to get to.
So this year I let it go. It was the best decision to make because I finally was able to breathe for myself, to be happy and confident with the woman I was becoming. Now I get to make these mistakes that only have to do with me and no one else and while mistakes may not always be good thing, in this case it's the best thing because I get to grow out of these mistakes only for myself.
I am blessed to be alive this long there was a moment when I thought I wasn't going to make it. But I am here and I am so thankful!
I have a lot more offer the world out there and I think that with the journey and the life I have lived so far the messages I have to give the world will go far.

#Reverb10- Prompt 8

What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010?
Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.
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Ha Ha Ha! The Social gathering that rocked my socks off in 2010 had to be my 25th Birthday celebration. HANDS DOWN!
The night started off with me having dinner at a friends house and getting introduced to a blind date. Omg! Anyways because it was my birthday I had to look good. I wore a dress I borrowed from a friend, it was purple, black, blue, pink retro and cute. I curled my hair real tight and I wore these hot pink heels.
For dinner my friend made some delicious food, chicken, fried green tomatoes and rice. We had some drinks, well I had plenty. Root Beer Vodka, it was interesting to say the least.
We headed out to the party in Bethesda where I met some of my other friends. See the night was a celebration of my 25th birthday and another friends 21st birthday. So when we arrived most of my friends were there. We held the party at a restaurant that turns into a club at night. The music was amazing (well from what I remember) lol. they played hip hop among other things, which is my favorite music to listen to anyways, so I danced with friends and had a good night. We had a few drinks (maybe more than a few drinks). It was just a great night.
While I do not remember everything from this evening, what I do know is that my friends had a FABULOUS time! I got so many compliments about the party and my friends have since said that if I was throwing another party, that they HAVE to be there! It was a fabulous event!

#Reverb10-Prompt 7

Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different - you'll find they're what make you beautiful.

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I am not sure what makes me different from other people. I know that my life has been made up of many different experiences, however I don't know if that truly makes me different from others. I can tell you what makes people light up about me though. People light up about me because of the passion that I have. I am very passionate about many things. I am not sure of what my life will be like when I get to the end of wherever I am going, but what I do know is that I want to be able to help people. I want to make a difference in the world around me, one that is going to make people, communities and the world much better. We can only strive to be the best that we can be and I don't believe that I will be the best if I don't make other people better as well.
The road I have set for me is not going to be something of an easy task. It won't pay me much, it won't support me or the goals I have for my family as much as I would like, but you know what it's not about the money it's about the end result. My biggest goal is being able to make the world better for my children to live in. So I do what I can. I don't know what drives me, well that's not true. God drives me, He has had me on this path and guided me through so much that it is only Him that knows what lies ahead. I pray everyday for the strength to keep going.
I think the other thing that makes me different is the amount of adversity I have overcome and the level of grace and class that I have managed to get through it all. People don't often know how "hard" the road has been, but the thing that I have learned the most is adaptation. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. So I guess this is me being stronger.

#Reverb 10 -Prompt 7

Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

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My community in 2010 has come out of the jobs that I have. I am a Resident Assistant at American University and my staff this year has come together so well. We enjoy hanging out with each other and we really look out for each other. I think the strength is that although we work together we all have different lives and different passions that don't make us have to sort of be on top of each other all the time. I think the plus is that we also genuinely like each other.
We hold "family" dinners every other week, where I mainly cook (because I love it so much) and we all just hang out and relax. I get excited to get away from my hectic week and see my co-staff and just laugh and have a good time. And when we put on events, WE GO HARD!!!

My other community that I discovered is the one that was created without me and one that I have now fallen into. I work with the Frederick Douglass Distinguished Scholars Program at AU. These students are a great bunch of young adults, and my boss is great. Ironically, one of my RA staff members works with me for FDDS. Which is fabulous! So there is a bit of familiarity and something very new as well.
The community I would like to connect with more deeply in 2011 is my Graduate Program Community. I haven't really felt very connected to the members in my program so it would be nice to build a cohort and grow in learning with them. So that is what I am looking forward to next semester. I am looking forward to growing in this community and growing in my learning through this community. So here is to that growth and here is to yet another year to finding my place.

#Reverb10-Prompt 6

What was the last thing you made? What materials did you
use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time
for it?
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The last thing I made was dinner. Thanksgiving dinner to be exact. Materials, well I used cooking materials pots, pans and this beautiful new knife set that I was given by a coworker. This was my second Thanksgiving dinner that I cooked practically all by myself and it was great. I made homemade mashed potatoes, a big Turkey with a honey glaze. OOO! and the best, I made a spinach and artichoke dip as an appetizer, I think the crockpot is my new best friend especially after being able to do that.

Interestingly enough there is something I do want to make and need to clear some time for it. I have been working on a scrapbook for my sister for nearly 2 years. But I hardly have the time to be able to do it. Which is unfortunate because I think it would be a gift that she would like to have. Part of it is that I need to clear time and the other part is that I need to let go of the emotion causing me fear. The scrapbook is in remembrance of my niece who passed away 2 years ago. While its been 2 years there are things that my sister wants to hold close to her and I don't know if I am ready to bring that emotion up for her.

Maybe it will be something that I challenge myself to do in this upcoming year.

#Rever10- Prompt 5

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
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This one is easy. I let go of a few things this year. Some of them were people and others were my own fears and things I let control me that I didn't know I was letting have so much power over me.
Let's start with the people. I let go of a person who was in my life that in my opinion was toxic. Whether she admitted it or not she was a little racist and it just didn't sit well with me to have that type of person in my life. There were comments that she would make about Black people, things that I didn't even think a sane person would say. Anyways, after a few comments that she made to other people about Black people and just her lifestyle and the fact that her Facebook status was always cluttered with drama, I felt it only right to let go of her in my life.
Then there were things that I let go in my life. I have had many interesting circumstances happen to me in my life. When I was 12 my parents got a divorce. By the time I turned 13 my mother had abducted me and moved me to California. I have for the most part lived my life in reaction to those circumstances and this year I chose to let go of this way that I lived my life and start living my life for myself. So with the help of weekly counseling sessions, many tears and a few blogs I have begun the process of letting it all go. So I am letting go of the person who lived her life in the shadow of the other things that have happened.

#Reverb10- Prompt 4

How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?
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I don't believe I cultivated a sense of wonder in my life this year, as I believe this sense of wonder has always been instilled within my life. But I know that my sense of wonder grew ten-fold and how I continued to be curious and to be amazed by the world around me was by keeping up with headlines and writing blogs about these moments in our history.
My blog titled "Be the Change" is a blog where I write about the things that happen in the world around me that get me to think why did that happen? Why do we as a culture as a community make the choices that we make. Sometimes it helps me to make sense of it all, to figure out what are the problems we face and what the solutions can be. I hope that I don't ever lose this sense of wonder and I hope that I have an outlet to make sure that I provoke the wonder of another person.

#Reverb10 -Day 3

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year.
Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

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One moment that I felt most alive this year was during a run I took from my school down to the Georgetown waterfront. I had what seemed like a long week, and normally when I am stressed I go for runs to find some release and refocus my energy into outlets.
On this particular day as I mentioned it just seemed as if it was the close of one of the longest weeks ever. I had a lot on my mind and just needed to go for a run. I hadn't been running consistently for 2 weeks, so I wasn't really expected to run as far as I did or as fast as I did.
It was a Friday night a little brisk outside but perfect for a run. I threw on my good running shoes, plugged into my iPod and took off down Wisconsin Ave. It was a Friday night at 8pm so there was some mild traffic. It was fairly dark, but with the lit sidewalk and the red and white lights of care tail and headlights I didn't feel like I could lose my way.
I didn't really have an end to my run or final destination to my run in mind my goal was just to go until my body quit. So I ran, I ran and ran and ran. There was one moment that I picked up speed, rushing past restaurant goers and club hoppers. I hopped pot holes, and sidewalk construction and just kept running. I don't know what was driving me more my momentum or the thoughts in my head. As quickly as the laughter came it went even faster as I passed couples and families on the street.
When I hit M Street, the street and Georgetown sort of came alive. It was a cluster of people, cars, sounds and smells coming in from the restaurants and clubs that lined M Street. This time of night the city was bustling. I didn't realize how far I had actually gotten until I hit the water front and could see the different boats lined up along the dock. Various parties had begun on these boats and the view of Roslyn with the lights of the city buildings were amazing. I decided to keep running a little further, only because I still had the energy to do so. I ended up making it to the Kennedy Center and where I eventually stopped I could see the points of the Pentagon 9-11 Memorial.
I felt so accomplished that after 2 weeks of not running, I was able to run for this distance without stopping. I didn't really think of what I saw, or heard along the way until I wrote this blog. I was more impressed by the destination and the time it took and the fact that I hadn't cramped up. But it's nice to relive that moment and hopefully I can reclaim it again.

Writing- #reverb10 Prompt 2

Writing. What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your
writing -- and can you eliminate it?

To be honest, the time that I spend on Facebook definitely does not contribute to my writing. I spend more time on Facebook than I do actually writing or focusing on my reading so that I can write better and stronger.
But can I eliminate it? Not fully, part of writing is sharing with your audience. and Facebook is that audience (to an extent). What I can do however, is I can limit the time that I spend on Facebook. Spending an hour a day versus the 5 I tend to spend.
I think the biggest part about my what I do each day that doesn't contribute to my writing is READING. I do not do enough READING and that is frustrating beyond anything! My goal for winter break and for the next semester is to read a book a week-- and not just a book for class but a book for leisure. One that keeps me engaged, one that shows me good writing, ones that will continue to let me grow in my writing style.

So here is to the shortcomings we have and the steps we take to correct them

#Reverb10 Prompt Day 1

Hey y'all so I signed up for this really great blog- event (for lack of a better term). Anyway it's a really interesting deal. It's called REVERB and well what it does, is you are subscribed to this "event" and everyday they send you a prompt to write about. So I will blog talking about this experience, or prompt and then I post it to my Twitter and wait for the next one. I have been in sort of a slump with life the last couple of weeks. So here goes nothing.. Are you ready?

Prompt:
One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you're
choosing that word. Now, imagine it's one year from today, what would you
like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?


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The word that encapsulates the year 2010 for me is FREEDOM!
I have spent most of my life, correction. I have spent most of my adult life living it in other people's terms- whether it was getting away from what my life could be from the examples of my mother. Or finally releasing everything I was holding on to. this year was about me finding myself and being comfortable with myself. Freedom best describes this journey I have been on in the last year, that my life is mine alone, and I am more blessed than ever to make the most of whatever this life will bring me.
As for 2011, the word that I hope will best capture the year for me is GROWTH. While learning more about myself and finally living my life for me, this year had its trials. And every year I hear people say I can't wait until next year for things to get better. Well I want the end of 2011 to be something that I am thankful for, because during that year I took the time to learn more about myself and gain experiences that I wouldn't normally have gained. So at the end of this period I want to know that I grew up or into a better version of myself.

Here's to the experience.