Hello World,
It has been some time since I have said hello. Since my last publishing, I have been on the search for my voice. It's funny, I didn't really think I lost it, but I was channeling it in a different way. Instead of blogging through here, I was posting on my Instagram (@KJC89). Practicing my voice in this way was challenging, but God has been working through me in a BIG way and I now feel like I am able to navigate both lenses.
So here I am--- the time in between my last post has been challenging, but I have definitely grown in so many facets of my life. I think I am healing the scars of my last relationship and finally breathing again. God challenged me to Let Him be God in my life and I am finally understanding the surrender. I am healthier and all of my fruits are healthier too. I miss my relationship, the laughter, the simplicity in some aspects, but I don't miss the turmoil that was within me. And while I miss the moments of the relationship, I don't miss who I was in the relationship. I wasn't my best and now I am.
With that said, I wanted to talk through this growth that happens within us, that sometimes we are ready for and sometimes we are not. That sometimes we miss because we are so wrapped up in our own thing. In this year I have needed to be more reflective--- who am I and what do I bring to the world. I have been on a search for my purpose and seeking God through that. He has answered in a big way and I finally have developed my mission and vision statements (to be unpacked in a future post). But in this year while there has been growth on one side, I have also seen areas of my life that there was more growing to be had. For instance, in my marketplace. my direct position and the sphere of influence I have had has been a struggle. I haven't been my best in that situation, I haven't reflected the glory of God in that space.
Today I was having dinner with a friend and she said something that woke me up, in speaking about her supervisor she mentioned that her supervisor lacked the ability to inspire confidence within her team. WOW!
In saying it out loud something within me broke- I struggle with being inspired in my confidence and in turn I also am short in inspiring confidence in my team. There is one aspect of my portfolio that is a new learning for me and in seeking guidance from my supervisor who is knowledgeable and skilled, I am struggling. And in turn, for my team who is also seeking that knowledge and skill, I am lacking in being able to support them.
There is something in naming this and now there is direction in how I gain wisdom to respond. I can't control everything, such as what is being poured over me, but I can control how I influence those around me.
The word of my time right now is INTEGRITY . I desire to live a life of integrity even in the breaking of relationships. I haven't done that well in the past but I am evermore conscious of it now.
