"You are an amazing woman with a capacity that inspires me! " - this was a statement provided to me in communication with someone I work closely with in serving in the House. It came at a time, where I wasn't sure my own ability/ strength etc.
It is something that truly rejuvenates me. I spend so much time giving of myself in every area of who I am that I honestly wonder how I am caring for myself. Over the course of this week, I have been reflecting on what I desire, what I need. People have been asking me about big life decisions and choices and I don't know where to start. And as I am writing this, I am wondering if the reason I don't know where to start is because I don't truly understand or haven't spent enough time getting to know me.
Hmmmm... I think that is it. I haven't spent enough time getting to know me. Because I am selfless, I put others ahead of me, I think almost as a distraction so that I don't have to spend time focusing on me. But not because I feel it would be vein, I just don't desire to be that raw. It totally makes sense. It's why I don't speak so openly about my abduction, or my trial with drugs. It was part of my life, my experience, but it is not my story now. So I move forward. But I wonder what I am missing out on in not reflecting and not recognizing what I need or want in this life.
I think this blog went on another tangent, but a good one...
So back to the comment- "capacity" for what? I think we are all trying to find our purpose. I know I am still trying to figure out mine. It might be why making a career decision is so tough for me. I am not centered, I am restless, I am trying to figure out what my purpose is and that has not yet been answered or revealed, or I just haven't seen it clearly.
Hmmm, another food for thought.
Well folks, you are reading my brain at work. Literally... Thanks for providing me the space to process.
That's all she wrote!
