I turned 30 almost a month ago and I think every year we get older we end up finding more about ourselves or get a little bit closer to understanding who we are and why we are here. I personally enjoy the aging because I appreciate the reflection, I appreciate looking back on my life and seeing the chapters of how I got to where I am today.
There's a thought that constantly circles my brain- relationships, people, how we communicate. At the core, we each are just trying to find our way. But when it comes to people we put walls up, guards, set distance between us and other people so that we don't get too close. What are we afraid of though? Are we afraid that someone else can see the truth about us? But isn't that what we are striving for?
Here's what I know and what I continue to set as a core belief especially when it comes to people:
1. People come to us for a season. God presents people in our lives for a season, some times that season lasts a lifetime and some times that season lasts a page in your life. Having gone through various relationships and seeing distance, space, life and just changes shift who and what we are, is taxing, it's painful at times. You feel loss, shifting relationships especially after time has been spent trusting someone, getting to know them, their families, creating memories. When dealing with the separation the loss, it is tough, but it shouldn't stop you from putting yourself out there and making the effort to get to know someone.
2. Relationships are just showing up when people need you - This quote comes from the movie, That Awkward Moment (side bar see it) I think fundamentally if you enter relationships knowing that you just need to show up when people need you. Our lives are interactions and opportunities to just make a difference for others around us. Showing up for others means being there when they need someone to provide a shoulder to cry on. Being there when they are happy, celebrating life's triumphs, enjoying just being. You share pieces of yourself and you learn more about how you show up to improve who you are and how you engage with the world around you. When relationships fail, it's often because on one side or the other, you forgot to listen to the other person and show up when they needed you.
3. Is number 2 really that much to ask for? When you think about it, if relationships give you a chance to learn more about yourself and by allowing yourself to be open when interacting with other people, why is it so hard to just be there? Investing time isn't really that much of an effort honestly. Right? I think about this often when it comes to "the castaways" of our society. We have a tendency to hide those that we don't want to associate with, the homeless for example. I have the hardest time interacting with these individuals and all I have to do is just be. Say, "hello" smile, ask them "how their day was." It's all normal conversation. But my interactions with some homeless individuals is, they are often loud, intoxicated, aggressive and then it makes it hard to engage in "normal" conversation. But on the grand scale of things, is it that hard to just be? Why do we make it so much harder to use our words to build people up?
As a Christian I understand that there is power in my words. That I have the ability to speak life for someone else and if I stand on that, then I should be using my words to edify others at all times.
4. Give others breathing room in your life, but also be okay with communicating what you need as well. We have to give people in our relationships the space to enter how they can. We are all in different seasons of our growth in general and that requires time, attention to needs etc. We don't have to settle, if people consistently do not provide you with the reciprocity that you desire in a relationship at some point you have to see that as an opportunity to walk away (point number 1). And most especially when you aren't seeing progress or effort from the other person to do better at point 2. But here is the thing, relationships are two way streets and no one can be inside your head, so if needs aren't being met, you have to be comfortable, open and less walled to SAY WHAT YOU MEAN & MEAN WHAT YOU SAY.
Just some thoughts...
