Grief

“Grief is the last act of love we have to give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love.”

My community has recently been rocked in a HUGE way. An alum at American University was violently murdered on the 4th of July. As news hit social media on Sunday, I was puzzled why his face and his name was flooding my news feed and timeline. I hadn't expected what I was about to read. 

    I'm not new to death, the sad part is no one really is. We will all experience it in some fashion. But the way that Kevin Sutherland died, was not what I was expecting. We hear these stories of senseless murders of people being tortured, being attacked, but you pray that it won't get close to where you are. You pray that when it comes to that moment, that there is some good in the world that causes people to change. A few months ago another friend of a friend was murdered in his home. And that rocked me to my core. In reading what happened to Kevin I didn't think I could be more sickened. Kevin like Jon Jon, the friend who was murdered in his home were loving caring people. They changed the space around them for the better and they made people better for being around them. 

 I read this article this woman posted. It's so beautifully written and it says all the things you want someone to say. It says all of the things you want to hear and it sets the beginning of healing that is needed when you are grieving. 

I don't know how we move forward. I don't know how I can support my friends who are feeling Kevin's loss more intimately than I can. But here's the thing about grief as much as it hurts for us individually, there is community in grief. There is healing in grief, there is healing in how we celebrate the life that we loss. There is healing in how we live out our lives in honor of the ones we lost. There is healing in recognizing that there is still good in this world, in spite of all the pain that is out there. 

To take from the author: 

Love. 

The Caliber of a Man- Russell Wilson

Hey there,
 Welcome to my blog! I write a few different blogs and posted this one today about Russell Wilson, on my sports blog. If you are interested in sports, you should definitely check out my blog. It is about sports and I write in it often, but from time to time, that sphere of my writing collides with other parts of my identity and where I can create overlap I do. So check out my post below about a recent interview that Russell Wilson was in that has many talking. Hope you enjoy!

______________________________________________________

Hey Y'all, it's your favorite SportsGal89 Innnnnnnnnn the Buildin'!
This might be one of the few times that I diverge just a little bit from true conversation around sports and let those of you who only follow this blog, see a little more into my life.

I am a Christian, and probably like many believers and non-believers I am fascinated by the caliber of a man, that is Russell Wilson. He stands apart from many athletes and celebrities in general. When we walk in this world as Christians, we are often battling what our identity means. What I appreciate about Russell Wilson, on a human level, is that he is just solid in who he is through Christ. I love that it's not this show he is putting up, he trusts, believes and stands faithfully on the word of God.

Russell has recently made the spotlight, due to his relationship with singer- Ciara (Update: 9/12/2015- I had originally posted the video here, but then it looks like they took it down. So I found an link to a brief recap of the main points, so check out the brief story )

The news outlets have made this a story that is about him proclaiming his abstinence in his relationship with her, but for me, I am more intrigued just be who he is, what he exudes beyond the fact that he is a high profile celebrity, with another high profile celebrity who happens to be abstaining from sex in their current relationship.

The little tidbits that he shares about how God has changed who he is, how he thinks, the man that he presents himself as to the world, it literally makes me overjoyed. He is a young man that I look up to. I admire his passion, his freedom to express his love for God, his faithfulness to God and his trust in God. I think in this day and age when I think about the world I can raise my children in, I hope that as they look to these men and women who have these extraordinary gifts that they can see more people who are like Russell. It definitely makes me appreciate him as more than just an athlete. I appreciate him as a person. I respect him as a person and I hope and pray that he continues to speak the way he does. I am so in awe of the God that is inside him.

I know I have digressed a little bit from the platform that many of you come to read, but I felt compelled to share this story.

That's all she wrote folks!

#DearWorld Look How Far I've Come...

Hey Y'all:
 I came across this quote and I guess it meant enough to me that I prompted myself to write a blog about it:
 "Resiliency is the capacity of humans to come out of extreme shock, damage, injury and trauma and get back to normal life."

If you are not familiar with my story, then this won't mean much to you. But my middle name should honestly be "Resiliency." My history is littered with experiences that are not supposed to be everyone's life, but it is mine.  I think of my life in chapters based on where I was living and what was happening. If I could title chapter 1 it would be:

 Ohio- where I was founded. I was born in Ohio and my life there was great. But I remember when my innocence was lost (for lack of a better phrase). It started when my cousin moved in. My cousin used to molest me. There must have been a part of me that didn't know it was wrong because  I didn't really say anything.

Then my second loss happened when my parents decided they were going to get a divorce. This shaped entirely the next 10 years of my life. My mom kicked my father out on my birthday. My parents' divorce was ugly. There were huge arguments, big scenes and my cousin and I at the center.
Into the divorce, my cousin acted out and I was on the receiving end one afternoon of a blade to a butcher knife. I didn't get stabbed or anything just threatened- 12 years old and fearing that the one person who kind of understood, was not a friend anymore.

My third loss came when my mom breached custody and moved me to New York and then California. I learned later that the word is abduction, but it took me a while before I could actually say it. During that time I was told I couldn't talk to, or have any interactions with my friends, my family, anyone that was part of my founding.

Chapter 2 would be titled California- where I was formed.
 I didn't know who I was. What I could share, what I couldn't share. I learned in California however, how to stand on my own. My mother suffered from deep depression and in that I lost out on being "raised" for the most part. So my raising came from the high school I was placed in and the friends I bonded with.

End of my freshman year I started using drugs, and continued to use through the middle of my senior year. I don't know what made me different from my friends who had to spend stints in rehab and years after recovering. But I was able to walk away, and while there are days that the memory wakes me up at night, or a smell draws me right back to those days, it's not the forefront of the life that I am walking through.

Junior year was a breaking point, the secret I was holding boiled over when the Feds, the DA and my father "found me." The secret of my abduction was no longer something I could run from. I had to share with my friends around me what had been a truth I was hiding. Although it wasn't immediate this breaking point would ultimately lead to the healing I needed. What it did do was provide me with a sense of stability. Stability in that I had a family to return to and one that has continued to literally nurse me back to life. I could be a shell of the child they last saw at 12, but if it wasn't for their love, I would not be where I am today. .

Chapter 3- DC and this is where I grew up.
 This chapter is still being written, but everything about my life has changed. I have control, I am no longer responding to actions of my parents. I am merely responding to my life. And it is in DC where I found who I am, and continue every day to be blessed with the discovery of this great woman.

So this is me:
If you were to hear the first two chapters of my life, without knowing how it ended, you would expect me to be broken. You would expect me to not be where I am today. You might even expect me to not be smiling, happy or put together. But my life is about #ShatteringExpectations and living beyond the circumstances that have defined me.

(Photo Credit of #DearWorld taken at NASPA 2015)