A Testimony: Caught in the Slipstream

Hello, hello...Welcome back.

 I am a Christian...

I needed to start with that just to level the conversation. I don't spend too many posts talking about my faith, because, I don't think I knew yet how to articulate it. But this post is all about that.

Recently, I have been mulling over this imagery of being caught in the slipstream (a slipstream is defined as a stream of fluid [as air or water] driven aft by a propeller or an area of reduced air pressure and forward suction immediately behind a rapidly moving vehicle). The images that these definitions evoke, are "riding" or "being caught in this force."   

 If I were to visualize this concept,  I see a giant rock, rough, mossy, "lived", stuck in a rushing river.

What you see of this rock is the roughness, the moss, the cracks, the things that you don't think as beautiful.

What you don't see is what is happening underneath and around the sides of the rock, is the work the rushing river is doing to smooth out the edges--erosion.

There are many slipstreams that I have been caught in, in my life, the one that I want to spend some time on is being a member of my church ministry. I am currently a ministry team leader in my church- Citizen Heights.

I came to this particular team at a time when I was still a young Christian-- there was a lot (even though there still is a lot) of work needing to be done in me. I was moved from one team, which I loved, had a rhythm and enjoyed very much, to a team that I was so afraid of--This team is in the direct presence of our Pastors---eek!

There's a timidness in assuming a role like this one, as a new Christian. As a new Christian, you are still "trying to measure up." And being in direct contact means being measured, right? This idea of perfection that we associate with pastors are that they are the "holy, holy, holy," almost the untouchable, but not because of them, because of how we feel we "measure up."

 I think we allow that narrative to be the detail we use to isolate ourselves, especially when we don't seem worthy--- but that could be another post in and of itself and it's not just in comparison to our pastors, but to other Christians in general.

But there I was, knowing I had some things to work on, but I was also being called to support this ministry team and essentially the HEART and VISION of this house, the Pastors.

In this sense I am the rock stuck (or planted) in this rushing water (presence of the pastors) and without me acting (we're going to come back to this), my edges are being smoothed. The things happening underneath the water are life changing.

Serving in the office team, in the proximity of the pastors and their hearts and their vision and their love for people, in how they express it to their families, to their friends, to the team that serves them, rub off on you merely by you showing up.  Being saturated by their character is what transforms and changes you.

I imagine this is what being at the feet of Jesus is like. Just sitting in His presence, doing nothing but, soaking it in and letting the river do the work.

But there are some actions that I have to take in order for that process to be accelerated, I need to show up. I might not always be ready to fully hear what is happening around me, but being in proximity changes me. It grows me up. There are things that compliment the actions of the river:

• Showing Up
• Being Present
• Participating in small groups
• Leading a team
• Being part of a team

And one day the slipstream becomes a little different. The slipstream, almost 5 years later becomes me a loose, more smooth rock, riding the rush of the river.

My journey is different now, I once needed to be planted steady so that the things underneath could be smoothed out. And then when I became smooth enough, I became loose and can ride the rush.
 That's where I am at now, I am riding the rush of the river. Still on the slipstream of life,  being refined, and smoothed out, until I am snagged again, planted for another season of smoothing, before I can ride the rush again.

What I'm Reading: Around The Way Girl by Taraji P. Henson

When I was a kid my parents and really, I think more so, my dad, maintained that my love of reading would have some sort of knowledge acquisition element. He probably also stated my love of critical thinking and writing without even knowing it.

When I was a kid every book I read and particularly over the summer was followed by a book report. I loved reading but those of you with a secondary degree, probably have reasoned that reading for fun is something you yearn for, but might not get to accomplish, even as your Amazon wish lists continue to grow.

Over the last few years I've been able to reclaim my joy of reading through a book club with my sister and just finally catching a rhythm in work and life. So I might as well return to the lessons my dad taught me and share what I've learned....

---

Around the Way Girl: A Memoir By Taraji P. Henson

If you are a fan of celebrity Taraji P. Henson, RUN, do not walk to get this book. And don't just get this book on your Kindle or digitally, invest in the hard copy of this book, because it is WORTH IT! Of course there is a draw to see what glimpses of the individual you might get. Especially when all you tend to see is the characters she is portraying on the big screen or tv. 

So when I picked up this book, I didn't expect what I received, but I should have been prepared because the authenticity that lives through Taraji Penda Henson, in her social media and through her interviews is the same around the way girl that allowed herself to be vulnerable in this book. 

Being able to take a glimpse under the makeup and couture clothing was refreshing, exhilarating and a truly tremendous experience.

There is a quote in her book that I think captures the essence of what this book meant to me "There is no one way to present a black woman; we have a voice and we have the right not only to have that voice but also to see it reflected back at us..."

Now she was talking about representation in acting, but in it's simplest form this quote reminds me of two things 1. She herself as an individual and an actress is a complex person--duh, we all are? But in that how often do we take for granted who we THINK we know celebrities are and who they TRULY are? That's what this book did for me--- it reflected back at us the voice that we collectively have. There are so many details littered throughout the pages of this book that remind me of the stories and experiences that I have grappled with. And its exhilarating to see wisdom throughout these pages and to at least catch a glimpse of some road map when faced with some of those same life lessons.

2. This quote in it's essence reminds me of the book by Henry Louis Gates, Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Black Man . It's a reminder that we're not unitary individuals. That just because we have an outward commonality, it doesn't mean that we are all the same.

When it comes to acting the portrayals of the experiences of people of color are so limited and have only just lately started to see some diversity.

---
 This book, touches on so many aspects, who the key figures were in her life and what she learned from them. That it takes a village to raise a person and behind Taraji is an entire village that has supported her as she rose to her acclaim and continues. I think the most vibrant, telling sections were the chapters on her son. Those ones broke me, I definitely shed a few tears through them. And as a future mother of a young Black man, she highlighted some of the hopes and fears that future mothers of young Black men will carry.

All in all, this book left me excited to have a different understanding of the woman that is Tarji P. Henson--- it also made me wish I had her in my corner and after you read this book, you'll understand why.




via GIPHY

I recommend this book with 2 thumbs up! 

What I'm Reading: Instinct by T.D Jakes

When I was a kid my parents and really, I think more so, my dad, maintained that my love of reading would have some sort of knowledge acquisition element. He probably also stated my love of critical thinking and writing without even knowing it.

When I was a kid every book I read and particularly over the summer was followed by a book report. I loved reading but those of you with a secondary degree, probably have reasoned that reading for fun is something you yearn for, but might not get to accomplish, even as your Amazon wish lists continue to grow.

Over the last few years I've been able to reclaim my joy of reading through a book club with my sister and just finally catching a rhythm in work and life. So I might as well return to the lessons my dad taught me and share what I've learned....

---

Instinct by T.D. Jakes

There are things I believe, that a person will hold on to until they are actually ready to understand the message. Instinct is one of those treasures for me. I've had the book since it first came out. I actually think I was one of the first individuals to receive a copy. I received it as a Klout Perk (social media lovers will know what Klout is). But when I received it, I wasn't "ready to understand it's message." The book sat on my shelf for several years. To the point that when I finally read the book, I FINALLY noticed that it was signed by T.D Jakes! 

I decided to pick up the book when I started to feel like I needed some direction in my professional career. Here I was at a cross roads, the department I was a part of was shifting dramatically and there were, in the midst of it, many questions about whether or not I was meant to be there, if I was meant to even continue in that role. Right now, I still don't have the answer per say-- I don't know if I am too afraid of my own success to actually fly free and move on to something different, but that would be a different kind of post and not a reflection of the book. 

Here's what I will share with you, this book is about discovering your innate talents and seeing the ways that they can flourish and develop and manifest greatness in all facets of your life. It isn't going to give you the formulas to understand your natural instincts and ultimately understanding your purpose or passion. But what it will do is unlock the questions you should be asking yourself to learn what your purpose is, how to tune into your passions and how to take the talent inside of you to make the best of this life that you are leading.

This book came at the right time, when I was finally ready to ask those questions, to seek some truth in the things that I could already see aligning in my life. It takes courage to take a deeper look at yourself and really see that you are worth it,. No matter what you are facing and what challenges lie ahead, you have what it takes, you just have to be willing to unearth it.

While, I know I still have some details to continue to unleash, I know that this book helped me to dig a little deeper into what I have been just merely scratching and I know it will do the same for you, you have to just be ready to hear the message ;)

Untitled.... love

Hello world, it's been a while since I got deep in my emotions in this space. I actually separate my posts about relationships into a private blog, but I needed to not hide from the things I am about to share.

I fell in love and for the most part it was amazing. Especially when you think about all that it took to get me there. And honestly, all that it took to get him there too. We were not perfect and that's not what I was seeking. There were challenges and lots of tears. But when it was the two of us, linked in, connected, it was just this perfect simple place. Wrapped in each other, like our tangled limbs when we slept.

I miss the simplicity of love, I miss just knowing that a glance, a smile, a hug came with so much comfort and peace. But in honesty, those moments were few and far between. Love, relationships is consistency and I would be lying to myself if I didn't say I felt like I was working HARD and often alone to build a structure around a relationship.

There are many things I could say, many things that I could say to rationalize the human logic around relationships, but this post isn't about that.

As you might know, and maybe I need to do a little bit more posting on this, I am a Christian. And my walk has been colorful to say the least. This last year or so, I have been on fire for the lord. My heart ended up traveling oversees and for 6 months I had to learn to put my energy into some other place and not into the relationship I had been pushing for, for now 3 1/2 years. And in that, I found the stability of God. Which comes with so many more details, make God the Center of your Life because HE is the center of it all. When your eyes are focused on anything but God everything else becomes so complicated. Aligning with the Will of God is the simplest way to live your life. It doesn't mean it won't be challenging, because your battle every day ends up being with the world that man created and trying to flip the world's understanding to align more with God.

Anyway, if you have been graced by the love of God you know that you don't have control of the speed in which He grabs hold of those heart issues and goes to work. And there are things in our walk that we will try to keep a hold of and my imperfect, but simple and perfect man love, was one of those things that I wanted to keep hold of. I wanted to take it along in my new life.

But when you live in Christ, the old things fall away. And unfortunately, making my relationship and my heart in a place ahead of God, was one of the old things that needed to fall away. And God's timing it is PERFECT, isn't it. Two days before my heart was to return, two days before I could go back to that simple place, wrapped in each other--- the Lord gave me a word. Leave Him Alone, Let me be God in both of your lives.  I don't think if you have never heard the REAL voice of the Lord that you will understand what this meant to me. You see, I know I have been in the presence of the Holy Spirit. I know that I have been comforted by his everlasting peace. But hearing the VOICE of God has been something that I have only prayed for. That my relationship with God would deepen so incredibly that I would know the voice of the Lord when He spoke. And this day, two days before my heart returned to me, the Lord gave me my prayer and I heard His voice. And when you hear the voice of God, you know it. And when you hear the voice of God you obey it. As painful as you know it is going to be, you do.

So the first round of emotion was so hard, because I wrestled with God-- do I have to? Why? What will happen? But I begrudgingly obeyed. And in this space, I gained some peace, that what God was meaning to do would work together for my good. That what God has His hand in, is for our good. Not to destroy us, but to build us up and to set us up for something bigger. So while it hurt, I had peace.

But then recently  came the second round of emotion, when my heart, after a few weeks of silence, caught on that things were not going to return to our simple love. And here I am broken more than ever, because he is my heart, no matter how imperfect our love was. He has my heart and I can't think of any other human who will capture it the way he had. And it kills me because, in all of our challenges, the biggest one was pushing him so far, that he would hate me. And here I sit, probably the most hated person second to one other in his life and there is nothing I can do about it--- but pray.

Pray that we are both healed and comforted by the grace and wisdom of God's love. I pray that someday we might be returned to each other. Maybe not in the same fashion, but at least with understanding of what we went through together. I pray for him the most, because my biggest fear is that the man I know he is going to be, might be more delayed because of this. But, I have to trust in God's perfect timing, even though I may not understand the reasons, I trust in the love of the Lord, because I have been saved by His Grace and His Love in my life.

So there, unfiltered, raw, my heart open, very broken, but knowing it is in the hands of the Lord to heal.

What history might say about Trump and his Tweets

I think this might be one of the first posts within this blog that I get to nerd out a little bit in the area of my formalized education.

I am a political scientist-- I might not be practicing or writing books or journals or articles, but I have three degrees in Political Science. When asked why I have those degrees (usually with a tinge of sympathy because I am not working in the field), my response is just this. I chose to study what I wanted to learn, not what I wanted to work in per say.

I heard once in one of my classes Politics is personal and the personal is political.  I am fascinated by government and by all that it entails. When I think about my education, I wanted to further my understanding in a subject matter. We have this idea in education that what we learn, we must practice. That degree I hold, must be the field I am working in, there are some degrees that that is very much true and there are some degrees that I honestly don't think that this way of thinking makes sense to continue anymore--- but I digress- that could be a topic for another day.

Anyway, I have been playing around with the thought of this Trump presidency and drawing some similarities to themes of previous presidents. One theme that resonates the most is this tension of the Trump Administration and the media. It immediately calls to mind Franklin Delano Roosevelt's Fireside Chats. 

Thinking about both places in time, you have new mediums and forms of communication that are growing. For FDR, radio became a new outlet and in an effort to control the narrative, he used radio to go directly to the people. To give them the space to hear from him. We know that this was largely for his benefit to gather support for his New Deal proposal. But it really was a unique way for a President to "reach the people."

Much in the same way that you look to our current climate. You have social media and really Twitter that is a space in "connecting people" and while the intention can be questioned to a degree. Political history will have an opportunity to draw a comparison with this current Administration and it's use of "creating their own narrative" in what has been created as a tension with the media today.

Whether we agree with it or not, Trump and the Trump Administration are using social media and particularly Twitter in a similar fashion that FDR did with Fireside Chats. The impact however is still yet to be written.

But for this Poli Sci Nerd, it does add some different details of thought.

Here's to RESOLVING no more

 As 2016 FINALLY comes to a close, I felt like many that I couldn't just wait for it to be over. This year has been strange to say the least. Going into 2016 with so much hope, excitement and joy, is now ending in such a crazy way. It's easy for people to be disheartened and discouraged by the year that we have had. It's easy to understand why people are over 2016; frustrated by 2016. In many ways speaking about 2016 as if it is an entity. But what was the good?

In my reflections about resolutions they are the goals that individuals set forth for the year. More often than not the goals do not get achieved and what one looks forward to in ringing in the next new year is to release regret.

I don't want to live a life of regret, that is not in me or what I desire. So instead of setting goals in this fashion I just want to look forward to the bottom line---getting to know me a little bit more.

2016 was a tough year, it was challenging personally, professionally, spiritually all of those facets. I didn't get to see my family as much as I wanted to, I am still understanding what it means for me to be single; professionally I was stretched in ways that were painful; spiritually I was able to build a stronger broader relationship with God the Father. And through all those trials and challenges, I was also favored and blessed. I got to see the world around me change, I lived another day to tell people that I care about, that I care about them. I get to dream these big dreams and watch more opportunities come my way.  I got to fall in love with myself. Continuing to enjoy the person I am growing into and that at the foundation is ALL that is needed!

In 2017 I want to grow spiritually, I want to continue to discover who I am, who I have been purposed to be through God's provision. Out of that flourishes all of my other needs--- Finances, travel, generosity.

So when I think about the change of the year, am I excited to let some things stay in 2016-- YES! But I am also pleased with each minute of the last 365 days because it got me one minute, one day, one week, one year closer to the me I am now.

I am changed and changing still

That's all she wrote folks! Happy New Year! May your new year bring you a little closer to knowing who you are!