So I have an issue and I don't know what it is. I am confused and just trying to make sense of the world that we live in. I do have to make a disclaimer- no one is perfect. Judgement is something that we are all prone to passing even when we say we aren't. We come into situations with our own notions about the way the world works and the way we are supposed to interact in this world. When we make claims about what is right or wrong we are passing judgement about another person's way of life. So here it is, I am judging what I was exposed to, and only out of the context that I hope this is the way I would react.
So I'm watching Real World Las Vegas, which has pretty much given me the idea that this season is all about growth. I feel these "young bucks" on the show have a lot to learn about life and about themselves and about the world. They chose to do things that are questionable by any standards, they do it, it takes them a minute to own it and then they learn from the process.
But I am not talking about the other situations or points of growth or immaturity in my judgemental mind- I'm talking about an incident that arose in tonight's "episode" where one of the star's secrets came out. Here's the back story: Turns out Dustin has been on a site where he was naked, possibly doing pornish things, questionable as to whether it was gay porn (at the time) or not. THE ISSUE: according to everyone else in the house was that he lied about it.
So here's my take- one, Dustin didn't come out and tell anyone. Adam an ex-star of the show found out that Dustin was on the show. Heather, his (Dustin's gf at the time) found out through her mother, practically the same day that Adam told another roommate in the house. So everyone jumped to conclusions, Heather was crying that he lied to her. People in the house were saying it was disgusting, and my issue was that people didn't know what the "truth" was. For Dustin, he knew the minute it was "out" that people in the house had found out. He freaked out and went into this hibernation almost that I mean granted, a secret you weren't ready to talk about is out for the world to hear.
MY ISSUE: Did Dustin lie? If it was me and I was Heather, yes I would be upset that the person I am dating didn't tell me about this HUGE part in my life. I think to be honest the only person who needs to get mad or has a right to be upset and question the "truth" is Heather.
The others in the house flipped out and tried to call Dustin out on ish, when they in my opinion can't own that. He lied to us, he didn't tell us about xyz. Well that is life people! People will not always tell you things about their past, especially when they haven't really processed it for themselves. And to be honest it isn't about you.
Issue #2: Prior to this all coming out Dustin and some of the roommates had conversations about the GLBT community and marriage. Dustin made some extremely offensive comments regarding this lifestyle. He was extremely judgemental and while it does not excuse it, the student interested in the brain and the way we think and act is fascinated by Dustin's "epiphany". He is a "closet porn star" for lack of a better word. His porn was predominately with guys and for someone who says he's straight, that's a lot for someone else to take on. I think the roommates have a right to be mad at the image he perceived to have and the views he presented when first introduced. His views were extremely homophobic, mainly because he probably tried to convince himself for years that what he did was not gay. Then on top of that he probably has years of psych issues, considering this was something that had started for him when he was 18, fresh out of high school, no other options and as he says he for the first time had a "father figure" in the guy who founded the website and found him. So I guess I think my thing about Dustin is I feel bad because he is very confused, he still has a lot to process and the group of people that he has come to rely on is the roommates. And when he needs them the most, they want to drop him, distance themselves from him etc. I just think that part is shady. People keep things from people for a host of different reasons, and it is not based on your time as to when they are going to tell you. I think I was most disappointed because it seemed as if people weren't even trying to understand where he was coming from. It was as if they were just focused on how it made them feel and the impact this situation had on them. Dustin NEVER got to own telling them for himself, which I think is frustrating.
Issue # 3: Furthermore, I think it is disgraceful and disgusting for the roommates to jump to he automatically needs to leave the house. I don't think people realize that this house is meant to push boundaries and to challenge your comfort levels and that the people going through ish are not the only ones who need to learn from these mistakes. WE all do! And if you think that kicking someone out of a house because he or she did porn, gay, straight or other and didn't tell you is a little disconcerting to me and really makes me question how far we have come. I mean, fighting, drugs, breaking ish making my life miserable, those are reasons to be dropped from the environment (ADAM!) but someones personal identity and the challenges they went through. I mean I just felt SUPER bad for Dustin. I felt like he was gang up on, out casted and we didn't really get to hear what was underneath his truth (it could be the editing). I also recognize that I am not them, I didn't live with Dustin for the x amount of weeks that they did. I didn't speak with him, or live with him for 24hrs sharing stories etc. But I think people are misguided when they walk up into the house and expect to get every one's life story RIGHT AWAY! Yes it's the Real World, part of that experience is that you expect to dig deeper into the lives of people you see on tv, but that has to happen on their comfort level, no one else's.
Idk.. I have more to process. but for right now- that's all folks!
