Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Saying "Thank you" to 2013 and "Hello" 2014

Hey there...
  This will be my last post of the 2013 year. I have been seeing a lot of people's posts on Social Media and other places ecstatic to be ringing in the new year. Many have selected a few memories that highlight their 2013, others have basically said good riddance and see you later to the year, counting down the last hours where they get to reclaim a part of their lives.


I guess I used to be one of those people. Looking forward to the new year to start over. But the reality is we don't start over we just continue the next chapter of our lives. We aren't necessarily reinventing ourselves, we are simply building upon and hopefully learning from the lessons of the past.

As I close out this year I am captivated by Psalm 50:7-15 "Make Thankfulness your sacrifice to God." As I look back on the year, there are a lot of things that didn't go as I had planned, but the reality is they went as HE had! He works all things (good and bad, whether I willed it or not) for MY good. That is one amazing thing to stand on. And for that I am Thankful. I am Thankful for another day, another year where I get to draw close to Him. To be a better example of His love for the world. Because at the end of this life, it's not about how many times we reinvent ourselves, it's really about how did we honor the blessing He gave us.

I am thankful for each and every ugly, beautiful, sad, emotional, invigorating, vibrant, playful, energetic moment I have gotten to breathe these last 365 days and these last 28 years.

 I am looking forward to the mistakes I make, to the lessons I learn, to the joys of being simply human, imperfect, but most of all BLESSED!


Happy Last Day of 2013!!!

See you in the New Year!!

Monday, December 23, 2013

Open Letter to Chris Brown

Hey Y'all:
 A while back I had written an open letter to Chris Brown's fans (Team Breezy), the short version if you don't take a look at the link was that I was appalled with how a generation of people were making the most outrageous behavior when it came to supporting Chris Brown. These individuals called people out, were disgusting on all elements of social media and made me sad to be in the same category as them- a fan. Why, because Chris Brown has faced a lot of media scrutiny regarding his torrid past and is appalling behavior. Let me clarify my fandom for you. I like Chris Brown the artist. I think he is one of the most talented artists we have in the music industry. I think on some levels he could even be considered a musical genius. However, Chris Brown the person has a lot of growing up to do- and really no judgement because we all have an element of growing up to do. But my thing is, you can't keep making the same mistakes and expect your fans to ride for you through it all.

Recently Chris Brown got into a fight (again) in DC. We know he has anger management issues (Rihanna, Drake, Frank Ocean...).  In this recent case, Chris was allowed to go to rehab to deal with his anger management issues instead of going to jail for assault. Personally, send his butt to jail. I think that there comes a time that you need to be scared straight. He didn't really have jail time for the Rihanna situation and that was his blessing. He should have taken that as his moment of reconciliation and realized that he had a great opportunity to change. And for a while he did, or at least he tried. Well, Chris is in rehab- dealing with anger management. I still think he should have gone to jail and been sentenced to a court ordered therapist, but who am I. Regardless, his latest stint in the public eye has gotten me so frustrated.

It is really hard defending him as an artist when as a person he is just so ugh!

   So today Russell Simmons posted this lovely gem
and now I am outraged! Why does Chris Brown get to "take the day off from rehab?" Um, yes I get that he is doing a good dead, but you don't get to take the day off from fixing your life. I don't know what is troubling you dude, but I pray that you get it together. Hearing your music on the radio infuriates me, seeing posts like this make me so angry. I want to be able to give you a million and one chances, but the three I have allowed myself to give you have returned with me being bankrupt. 

So to whomever is out in his sphere of influence, please support him like you haven't before. Pray for him, build him up and really pray that whatever has a stronghold gets removed.

To Chris, I need you to not think about your fans, or the fame or whatever motivates you to be an artist. Because right now the image you put out, who you are and the legacy of your life are more important. At the end of your life what do you want to be remembered by? Because right now it's chalking up to be that you are just a class a JERK! 

Love a fan who cares enough to actually tell you the truth about yourself!

Saturday, December 7, 2013

My response to "Five Reasons Why Eminem will never be my icon"

** Hello, is this thing on.. As she taps the mic***

A friend of mine recently sent me an article written about Eminem, primarily knowing that I am a big fan of Em's and wanting to get my thoughts on the critique written about him.

The article "Five Reasons Why Eminem will never be my icon" spends time critiquing Eminem, his fans and an industry that supports him.

The author begins with a confession, noting that she wasn't allowed to listen to Eminem growing up. She's proud of that, and should be. It's what makes her, who she is and it definitely speaks to the values and beliefs that her family founded in her and she continues to live today. But it doesn't mean that those of us who grew up listening to Eminem should be discounted or discredited or as she notes "walk the f off the planet."

Confession: I grew up listening to Eminem. Not because my parents had much of a choice or say in what I listened to. Eminem came around for me at a time when my family was changing. This was at a time for me, when growing up on Hip Hop music, meant the world of this culture was changing. TuPac and Biggie were killed, there wasn't much coming out that could speak to the masses, and it was this white boy from Detroit that changed the way that Hip Hop functioned.

The author lays out five reasons why Eminem will not be her icon. What I find myself not agreeing with in this article is that she makes large claims about who Eminem WAS and doesn't account for areas of growth or where he has changed or developed.
 1. "Because he doesn't respect Christina (Aguliera) or anyone else really"
The Christina reference was more than a decade ago. Yes, he has gone in on other artists as the author mentioned- Mariah Carey and the like. But Mariah did go after him first and true to hip hop culture is the diss of others around you. While what he says might not always be agreeable, the rap battle and expressing your discontent with someone or something is part of what rap and hip hop are all about. But the "feuds" as she refers to them, haven't even been in existence since his last album Recovery dropped. And to assume that the people he was going after weren't involved or didn't have a hand in his responses to them is a little ignorant. 

2. Because he explicitly endorses violence and violence against women
 I will agree with this point here. Rap and Hip Hop are often very vulgar and violent. Eminem's music is not absent of this and probably pushes this limit a little more than other people might. The author states " The Marshall Mathers LP 2  proves one thing: 'Eminem hasn't changed.' It's been almost 20 years since Eminem released his first album, but he's still just as obsessed with encouraging violence--violence against women in particular." 

If you haven't listened to Eminem's album, how can you say he hasn't changed. Yes, is he misogynistic in his music, yes. As a female, do I condone it, no. But the author will argue that due to the fact that I am buying his music on some level I am choosing to, fine... But remember that this music industry is a financial business. He doesn't remain popular with songs like "Lose Yourself," or "Not Afraid," alone. Every rapper has their schtick and for Eminem it is bringing out these different personas and sometimes they are often violent. 

But what I think is unfounding is to discredit the work that he has produced that isn't misogynistic. To overlook the body of work that has had some powerfully positive impact is disappointing and misleading and failing of anyone who is critiquing him.

3. Because his vocabulary is limited (and Awful) 
 I don't at all disagree with this point. The author comments on Eminem's use of the gay slurs. And while I agree with her here, and understand the argument- "How can you make this individual a global icon," when words he uses are so degrading. There is no argument against that and one of the many faults that I do find in his music.

This is a fault of the world of Hip Hop in general.

4. Because he wants to see his Mother burn in hell.
  For me, this is the fundamental issue I have with the argument the author made. When it comes to families, we don't have a right to say what or how people should function. The reality of the situation is we were NEVER in his shoes and his anger and frustration about his mother is HIS to release. I understand people's feelings towards him releasing his frustrations for all the world to hear and that when he does that he gives the world the ability to critique him and judge him, but I don't think this is a fair assessment or one validation of the author's point.

The author writes the following:
 In perhaps the most thankless ode to a single mom the world has ever seen, Eminem buries his mother in a metaphorical grave in the rain, wishing her well on her journey to hell.
We can talk the validity of open, honest discourse on parents who failed us all we want, but those experiences don't justify the use of violent imagery and lyrics (again and again and again, no less). Period. We already know that violence is never the answer, and to see a grown-ass man perpetuating death fantasies about his mommy is plain old sad shit. But the effects can be far-reaching, and that's where it goes from sad to dangerous.
Again I say to the author, Eminem could have chosen to act on those feelings and the reality is we don't know the heart of an individual's thoughts or emotions. The truth is Eminem has allowed us to see his feelings. But for those of us who have been raised in households or environments similar to his, you can't judge us or expect us to always be thankful for the lives that we were living. Especially when parents are supposed to take care of us, kind of fail. The truth is, you will never know the burden it is that children like us continue to hold on to as we grow and continue to be adults that we are. These are burdens that we will feel for the rest of our lives and in our own ways we try to find comfort and growth from them. 

But I digress, if you have taken the time to listen to Eminem's music, you understand that he wrestles with his feelings. He goes back and forth on how angry he is with his mother. "Cleaning Out My Closet" is one of those songs. He has to release the things he has held on to, that have continued to cause him pain. Unfortunately, yes sometimes releasing your story and your pain harms others, but it's his life that was impacted (want that on display, continue to read my posts). He has a right to be able to share his story, no matter how frustrated and angry he is in that display. 

If the author did take the time to listen to this last album, the author would have heard the song "Headlights" in which Eminem does in his own way make amends to the pain he caused his mother.

 I went in headfirst, never thinking about who what I said hurt, in what verse
My Mom probably got it the worst
The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are, did I take it too far
Cleaning Out My Closet and all them other songs, but regardless I don't hate you, cause
 Ma
 You're still beautiful to me, cause you're my Mom

Cause to this day we remain estranged and I hate it though
 Cause you ain't even get to witness your grandbabies grow
But I'm sorry Mama for Cleaning Out My Closet, at the time I was angry, rightfully, 
maybe so
Never meant that far to take it though, cause now I know it's not your fault, and I'm not making jokes
That song I'll no longer play at shows and I cringe every time it's on the radio

 He'll have his own regrets and yes the author could argue that he should have thought about what his words would do before he used them in a song. But we've all spoken from anger, pain and hurt. We have used our tongues to be sharp against other individuals and Eminem is not exempt from being human. Instead of journaling, his outlet is creating songs.

The last point the author makes about the 5 reasons why Eminem will never be her icon is the following:
 5. Because he raps about killing Kim....many times
  I get it Eminem is misogynistic. It comes out in the words he chooses to use, in the metaphors he uses to talk about his mother and his ex-wife/wife/ mother of his children. To constantly berate women in this fashion, especially when he is raising two young women is disgusting and hypocritical...

But again, to the author, Kim has not been the subject of his music in the last two albums that he has drafted. And yes while his early career as you have noted in your 5 points has been filled with many reasons why you don't want to, need to or have to be his fan. The latter part of his career is why I will continue to be his fan and why I will NOT as you put it "stand up and walk the f off the planet."

There are many points that I have made that echo this next point- I think where the author would have value for me is reminding us that art, continues to live on past the behavior of an individual and Eminiem's legacy will be that of an angry individual who has misogynistic tendencies, is anti-gay and has real anger issues when it comes to his mother and his wife. 

With that being said, the question I would pose wouldn't be directed at the fans- which is my biggest criticism of her. In all of her writing she comments about how it's the fans that are the problem for perpetuating "the artist" whether it be Chris Brown or Eminem. Because the reality of the situation is she doesn't know what it was like for an Eminem to grow up in the environment that he did and yes we only have one side of the story and his mother could have done the best that she could. But it doesn't change the impact that that "best" has had on him. Nor does it change the "best" that a fan experienced and hence relates to in his music.  
At the end of the day the artist doesn't just continue to be relevant because they can drop a good verse here or there, they continue to be relevant because their music on some level strikes a cord with the audience. It is a release of the pain that one might deal with a connection point to recognizing that you aren't alone. I think for me that is often the misguided critique of hip hop music, that on some level people are ignorant to the fact that the reality of some of the artists and the fans that they represent, is not all fluffy, it is filled with vulgarity, violence and the like and the messaging and the music is not a highlight of that life, but a reminder that this is the experience of others. 
So I will give her credit for her attempt at discrediting him, and yeah he might not necessarily be a Global Icon, but then again like she noted, she didn't offer up anyone who could have been considered a Global Icon in his place.

So for her attempt I give her a "C" on this write up.


*** Drops the mic and walks away*** 


Sunday, July 7, 2013

Choose Joy

Hey Y'all:
 Today in church we talked about how easy it is to repeat the false truths that the enemy throws our way, that we no longer listen to the promises of God.  This continuous opening of our ears and sometimes our hearts can lead us to no longer believe in those promises and blessings He said were ours.
   Sometimes in our lives we choose to dwell in the place that our circumstances have brought us. We choose to dwell in the trials that we are going through rather than walking through them. I have certainly been in those moments where I ALLOWED myself to sit, NO STEW, FERMENT in the pain and in the depression that is the trial I was going through.
  But HE did not forsake us. He does not put us through these situations to test us and to see how much we weep. Nor does He put us through things in which we CAN be victorious! God our Father wants bless us, abundantly in ALL things (2 Corinthians 9:6-8). So why do we listen to the falseness of the enemy as if it is our truth?
 I don't want to waste time dwelling on my lack-- and believe me I know that this is easier said than done. Instead I choose joy and celebrate my wealth.


  1.  I am 27 years YOUNG
  2. I am college educated with not 1 BUT 3 degrees
  3. I have a hunger to learn
  4. I have a hunger to see more of the world we live in
  5. I HAVE A HUNGER FOR GOD
  6. I am blessed due to the anointing that God has on my life
  7. I have a job that pays my bills TODAY (not paying for the bills I don't yet have) but the bills I have the fortune to be responsible for RIGHT NOW
  8. I have a job that provides FREE Housing
  9. I have a job that can be flexible when I take the time to make it that way :) (who said I wasn't a work in progress) 
  10. I have a job that allows me to be a voice FOR and WITH the people I work for
  11. I have a job that allows me to be a mentor,  to have the greatest power to impart wisdom and care into others
  12. I am BLESSED for and with TIME-- I can take vacations and enjoy those moments with friends and family (and yes Suze Orman, I might not be able to financially sustain it, but I choose to be happy right now and in the time that I have)
  13. I have an AWESOME church Foundation, who edify, bless and elevate me DAILY!!!
  14. I have a blessed family who shows me love and care unconditionally- sometimes in spite and despite of themselves at times
  15. I have the best friends who I cherish dearly and who have have given me the best place of influence through the lives of their children-- My 'Kinsies!!!
  16. I live in the most amazing city- the <3 li="" nation="" of="" this="">
  17. I live in the most amazing country where I can openly criticize and petition and change because I care
  18. I have breathe in my lungs
  19. I have a strong head on my shoulders
  20. I have a heart that yearns to give
  21. I have a spirit that wishes to do more- not for myself, but for others
  22. I have the POWER of forgiveness--- because let's be honest, holding on to anger, and hatred messes you up more than it does the other person
  23. I have great people in my life who support me, guide me, council me, pray for me and challenge me for my good
  24. I have a friend in God, who cares for me deeply
  25. I am able to do a lot--- run, jump, sing, move, be more and do more with my life
  26. I have REDEMPTION and RESTORATION in God the Father
  27. I CAN and WILL choose JOY


Why 27, not just for the 27 years of my life, but how easy is it to come up with 5 or even  10 things to celebrate? And also because 7 is my lucky number...

It's easy to listen to all that continues to test you in the valley. To allow it to make you feel defeated. But choosing joy through your circumstances-- the good, the bad-- keep you on a FAITH path towards God. Choosing joy and celebrating and thanking Him for what He has blessed you with a continued connection and understanding of what He has promised. I'm not choosing joy for the "possibility of a blessed life," I am choose joy because He said it was so!

To my readers, to my followers and to my friends--choose joy in ALL things, for He will bless you ABUNDANTLY in ALL things. For those whom it is hard to choose joy, feel free to skim the past chapters of my life in the posts throughout this blog to see why choosing joy is something possible-- and more importantly, is the only choice when you have been through the things I have and can still stand here telling you that life is still amazing!

I stand with you walking it out, in Faith, knowing that He has already and will continue to bless you.


That's all she wrote folks!!!

Sunday, June 9, 2013

It's not my shame to hold

Hey y'all:
  You already know that I have been going through this tough time. The news of what I've had revealed to me has just rocked the sense of who I am. It's unfortunate because on the outside life is GREAT! I am 27, I have a Master's Degree, a wonderful job, some amazing friends and family and I am able bodied, healthy and active. But what eats at me is the challenges that I have lived through- NOT the triumphs, but the challenges-- when I look back at them I am shamed by them. I don't like sharing those details of my life, because those details hold so much pain for me. I don't like sharing those details of my life, because of the look on other people's faces- when they know and witness the life I am living and hear the life I have lived-- a look of shock comes over them.
  I don't like people being shocked by my life, or holding on to those images and moments as something that is me. I am much more than those moments, and I have lived through them, passed them, beyond them, that they are not my life anymore.
   But allow a moment like the one I was faced with a couple of weeks ago and I feel lost. I feel rocked back into living through those challenges. My parents didn't really give me a chance to be a kid. I don't know any child who  lives through a divorce, who does not grow up a little bit. But add the damage that my parents put me through and you end up growing up A LOT.
   But here is the thing- the shame is not mine to hold. I don't need to be ashamed of where I have come from--- I wasn't the one who brought that into my life, but I have a great opportunity to take it out of my life. I have been holding shame for the last 15 years of my life because I was too scared of the look that others would give me, I was too scared of the feeling that talking about my life would bring.
   I would rather live in the now and be proud of how far I have come and how much He has restored than sit in the misery that was my past. But it's okay to embrace it. It IS my life, and it made me who I am today. I don't have to be ashamed of it because all I did was live through it, passed it and into this moment.
   The details and circumstances that got me here, the pain that was inflicted, that's my parents' burden to bare, not mine.

    I'm starting to make my way back... It's not going to be easy, but I am making my way back.

That's all she wrote...

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Life goes on....

Hey Y'all:
  As some of you might have read from my last post, I have been dealing with a huge issue in my family. What I thought was reality ended up turning not to be. As children we hold people in our lives to a high esteem. We look up to these individuals and have this feeling and hope that no matter what they will not hurt us, ESPECIALLY if they are our family. It's not that you mean to put them on a pedestal, it's just that you happen to. Out of a deep appreciation, love and fondness of them.
   However, there are moments when that admiration gets crushed. You hope not too much, but when your world and the lens in which you look at others gets cracked, you become a little less innocent in your views of the world.
   I didn't ask to be put on this earth, but I am here. And what I have learned over the last 27 years is I get to choose my happiness. No one can take that away from me. I get to choose what I want to hold on to, and how much I allow what others have done in my life to break me.

 Yes, my life is painful, no I cannot forget it----but I can choose to forgive it and move on. Life goes on! It has to! It doesn't stop because someone caused me pain. And if I allow myself to stop, then what do I do? There is a bigger world out there than the one that includes Nakeesha Jeanne Ceran. He has purposed me for more than the pain that I have been dealing with. No matter how much I have been inflicted by the pain around me, I have to remember that the world around me suffers more deeply than I do. I have God and His victory and favor over my life and that goes a LONG way.
  Will I continue to hurt, probably. But How long I allow myself to sit in that hurt is my choice. I owe myself and my future a little bit more than the depression I have been in. He has brought me out of a lot of trials and kept me safe.

    I currently am in one of the happiest times of my life. My life is going pretty well! I have a job, I graduated from college-- I have thus far accomplished all that I have wanted in my life. Yes the world has thrown some SHADE at me! But I am still standing, still blessed with another day to live. I will choose my happiness, the memories that I want to hold on to and I will choose what feelings and emotions that I allow others to make me feel.
   This life we have is ours and it continues to move forward even when we don't want to feel it. So why let it pass us by and not just live happy?

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Life Lesson: There is no such thing as NORMAL

... Hey Y'all it has been a while! But I definitely feel the need to make some time to chat with y'all. It's weird, when things are going great, my life and time are soo busy that I don't always have time to check-in and talk about the positives. But when I get hit with bombshells, it's like I have all the time in the world to reflect on where life has brought me.

 So this week's lesson- When I have kids, I want them to understand that there is no such thing as normal. Not that I am jaded, or naive to think that there are not ideals and societal cues that we live up to and for--- but in my experience normal doesn't exist. Or rather this pursuit of normal doesn't exist. What was normal in my life got destroyed 15 years ago when my parents got divorced, when my cousin tried to kill me, when my mother abducted me and when I rebelled and didn't care anymore. Normal doesn't exist when I talk about what I have been through in my life and I see the shock in other people's faces. Normal doesn't exist when I think about what I have been through and just want to be numb to it.
  This past weekend I was made aware of a "family secret," one that has left me in complete shock. I spent the last few days just wanting to not think about it. I turned back to my own devices and self destructive behavior. I am tired of who I am and what I am becoming in my own right to be damaged and impacted by the choices- mainly my parents- have made in their lives. It is not my choice to be born into this dysfunction, but it is my choice how much I let it affect me today. However, all of those feelings of emotional distress are part of my healing. Even though I know the right things to do- lean more deeply into my church, take it to God and keep it moving, every part of me just wants to give up and say I'm done. I would rather curl up into a ball and cry or drink until I don't feel it anymore. But I have not come through all of the other stuff, just to give up now.
  But how much more can one person take. I know I am not the mistakes and choices that my parents have made, will make and continue to make. But, I am impacted by them even when they don't think about it.
  My biggest fear is repeating their mistakes.

In my future- Divorce is NOT an option. In my future- honesty and truthfulness even when it hurts, has to be on the table. In my future- communication, with my kids and my husband is non-negotiable. I need these things, because with my family, the dysfunction ends. I don't want to live in this life hurting my kids, or having a past that comes back to haunt the very fiber of the person I am growing and developing into an amazing human being.
  I know that I am not the circumstances that my parents lived- sometimes it's easier said then felt. I am 27 years old, my name is Nakeesha Jeanne Ceran and although I was born to two individuals, I am my own person. I am a child of God, who has protected me, watched over me and continues to be here when my blood lets me down. The only thing I can do now is pray, pray for peace, pray for forgiveness (for myself included) and find a way to let Him have all the control. I know these last few days in my dealing and healing- I haven't been the best model version of myself, but I am a work in progress who is just trying to make some sense of the broken pieces I have around me. I'm trying not to drown in this either, but it's going to take some time.

   In the meantime I have these lovely words to marinate on:
   


But while I say there is no such thing as "normal," I do know one thing- Normal is what you make of it and you can only have your "true normal" when you are happy. In that, no one can rob me of my happiness and joy. I will stand tall and firmly in who I am becoming REGARDLESS of what I have been through. I have made myself successful, I have lived in honesty and truth. I have apologized for my mistakes and I have forgiven myself and others for my missteps. I will continue to learn from my experiences and I guess when it comes down to it " What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." More importantly, He doesn't put you into things you can't handle. I would just rather not be on the verge of breakthroughs and I would rather live in my peace and in my victory NOW!

Deuces!!


Monday, May 20, 2013

Not seeking perfection, just seeking HIM

Hey y'all:
 It's interesting that when my world is going "right" I don't find as much time to check-in and actually write. But when my world and my emotions are on the fritz, that's when you tend to see and hear the most of me.
What I find so interesting about that, is that it almost parallel's my relationship with God. I tend to only seek Him, when the world is crashing in on me. But I don't spend nearly enough time praising Him and thanking Him for what He has helped me triumph in and succeed in.

 This last week, I went from my highest up in a while, to a low. Definitely not my lowest low, because this is only a season and will pass, and because I have been hurt more deeply in my life prior to this experience and I AM STILL STANDING here today- why because of God's Grace and His ability to redeem all things.
But I went from being Baptized  feeling full and feeling so energized to take on the world, and now I walk a little less energized. I have come into some friction with two friendships and that has always been a tough thing for me to deal with in general. Friends for me ARE my family. They are where I invest my time and energy. A big reason, if you have not read my previous blogs, is because I have had a tumultuous relationship with my own flesh and blood. But when you get to build your family, by choosing those to be in your life, there is power and something more refreshing in that. But when those members that you choose to spend time with and build loyalty for, cause you pain in some way, it hurts--- a little deeper than when a family member bruises you.

While, I am not as thick skinned and able to hide my emotions as I want to, I do know this. I am not perfect. I am not seeking perfection. I am simply walking out this life with the focus of what He has set on my heart. It  means for me that I, step out in Faith hoping that I am reflecting His best image and not my own. When I fall short, I hope that the people in my life do not judge me, hold it against me or continue to exploit those short comings.

 Losing friendships definitely takes a toll on me. And I realize that I keep coming back to this phrase that says " People are in your life for a reason and a season.." Sometimes God closes that door and it's not meant to be open (Jimmy and Anika).  But at the end of the day, there is one person that I can call my constant friend- God. He has always been there! He will always be here! Calling out to me and building me up in those moments when I feel defeated.
  There used to be a point in my life where I would get angry at those who I felt disappointed me or pushed me away. Instead, though I have learned to pray. He can REDEEM! and that is what I stand in right now.

So while I might not be a perfect reflection of what others in my life would like- I am a perfect reflection in what He wants. He wants me to seek Him.

Lord, I leave it to you.. For it is you alone who can transform and restore that which has been broken.


Friday, May 17, 2013

I surrender All



On May 12, 2013 I made one of the best decisions of my life. I chose to say "yes" to the Lord, in front of my friends and Godly family. It was a declaration of my faith and something that was in my mind necessary on this journey I have in building with God. 

To some this might seem odd, as Catholics we are baptized into the Faith by our families and friends. It is an outwardly declaration of others that we are in God's hand. It's a dedication. But the work has to be on the individual- I have to want it just as bad as the people who are dedicating me. In the last two years I have found an AMAZING Church home- The City Church DC . This Church has changed me in so many ways. Being a part of the City Church has definitely opened up my heart and my perspective on the world I walk in every day.  In my journey to His house, I have been transformed. He has set me in this great place that has continued to transform my life. The best thing about hearing and being responsive to the call He has on my life, is that I have been able to shed a lot of weight of past pain. I am able to walk forward in the path He has set me on, with no fear of what my past transgressions can do to me. I walk forward with my head held high, knowing that no mater what the enemy tries to throw my way, I have God on my side. A God who wants to bless me and see me win in this battle of life. I just needed to say yes to Him.

 I have spent my young adult life running from Him. And I will spend the rest of my life running towards Him and FOR Him. 

So on May 12, 2013, I affirmed what my parents and family did for me more than 26 years ago- They asked God in front of our family and friends to take care of me. To guide me and watch me grow. Through their prayers they guided me to this place to say- Lord, I surrender All to you. That as I walk the next 26 years of my life, that He has control. 

To my friends and family who dedicated me almost 26 years ago- Thank You. Thank you for your prayers, for your continued love. To those who stood up in Faith with me on that Sunday- Lindsay & Chris Whipple, Tristine Harris, Kathy LaTorre, Madeline Dinh, Alex Grimes and Dolores Garcia- and my family of the City Church DC, thank you for paving the way and praying me into my destiny.

On my Baptism Day- Ps. Michael asked what this day means to me- I said one word-- "Fulfillment ______________." But there is a blank after that word, because it means so many things. Fulfillment of a life that has more living to do, a life that has more blessings to give. Fulfillment of a dream that God provided Abraham and Sarah so long ago. He picked me, He counted me, He called me. 

I don't know what the next few years of my life have for me, but I do know that trusting Him is easy- because looking back on the last years of my life, He has done MARVELOUS WORKS.

If you haven't said yes to the call He has on your life- please do so today. Speak to Him and ask Him to set you in a place that will transform you the way His house has transformed me. Ask Him for restoration, for renewal. Ask Him that His voice be louder in your life than what you have been listening to in the past. 

I'm here, praying for you and into your life, that whatever your circumstances, there is a God who is greater, stronger and more able to take you from where you are to what He has planned for you. He wants to bless you, protect you and keep you as His own. Trust in Him.

With love,
 Keesha

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Proud of these things: Gifts from my mother



 Many young girls spend a period of their lives in constant friction with their mothers. I am one of those girls--- as a more mature woman, I pray that when I have a daughter we miss those moments, because I miss the reflections of this photograph and the smiles that we shared.

I am the daughter of Regine Neptune and while we have our differences, the woman typing today recognizes the many characteristics that I am PROUD to say I have gained from her. 

One of the memories I have of my mother is her love of cooking. She loved to cook, and not because it was something she had to do, but it was something that she wanted to do. I know that her love of cooking has definitely been passed on to me. I love being in the kitchen, I love playing around with different foods and experimenting here and there. My uncle always talks about my mom's pizzas and how she would make the dough herself and try out different types of pizzas.

 I remember one end of the year party we threw at my house in elementary school, where my mother let my friends and I make our own pizzas. She and I mixed the dough together the night before and then 4 of my friends and I spent the next afternoon putting together our pizzas with different toppings. A great memory and one that I constantly return to when I think about pizza.

Another memory of my mother and the things she loved that got passed down to me is her musical talent. My mom was a great singer. She sang for my church when I was growing up. When we moved to California she sang at that church as well. I don't know if my mom was ever trained to sing, but she loved it. I can remember her singing at different times of the day, humming a tune here and there. 

Now I don't really like to share my singing---one because I don't think I am that good with my singing--well it's nothing to call Berry Gordy or Clive Davis about--HA! But I think I can at least manage a tune.  I sing, because music is something that makes me happy. Music is something that you can find that will make any mood better. There's always a song for every mood and I appreciate that. 

As I continue to work through the differences that my mother and I have, it's nice to reflect on things about our relationship that are great.  I hope one day that I can pass these talents on to my daughter and maybe one day share in the memories with my mother again.

Until then, it's pretty cool to know where my talents came from. Thanks Mom. 


Sunday, April 7, 2013

It's a New Year and where have I been?!

Hey Y'all
  It's a new year and I feel like I have been MIA. My deepest apologies, but when life takes you away, you just start moving.
  So what has been new with me. Well, I set myself up for a great New Year--- I wanted to accomplish a lot this year personally, professionally, spiritually. The first thing I wanted was to gain a little more independence AWAY from AU.
  Going to school here and working (LIVING) here means that I don't have a lot of freedom. My world collides with itself frequently and that is annoying at times.

 So I bought a Game Package for the Wizards. I took different friends who were willing out to various games to watch the Wizards.

Inauguration came and went- but I was Miss Socialite- I hung out on the Mall and went to a few brunches in January! I realized that I like brunches and EventBrite is ingenious in sharing when and where different events are happening. Most events are $20 and you get to meet some awesome people!

In February I attended my FIRST (and not my last ) Gala. It was awesome to be around some amazing people who come together for charity, one day I will have a chance to participate in many more maybe even being responsible for creating one.

In March I ran my first half marathon. A goal I had been training for and planning to get to for years. I finally made that happen and during that run it was the most freeing accomplishment I have been able to achieve. I set a goal, I trained hard and I reached that goal. In the process, I found a little bit more of myself. Life for me has been a series of moving forward, out of the circumstances of my life and into the living. That run was me living, that run was me saying this is my life and my moment and it is mine.

My sister and I wanted to do something a little more educational. We realized that we were not  reading enough for ourselves. So we decided to start our own book club. We read our first book Ten Years Later  by Hoda Kotb. It was absolutely fantastic and something that I was very proud to have begun. Our next book is Bossypants by Tina Fey. But it's not what we read it's the fact that we are reading that we are motivating ourselves to stick to what we planned.

Professionally, I spent the last semester learning. Getting my footing and building what I believe to be a wonderful foundation for a nice career development. I have enjoyed the experience and although