Lost in the thought of you...

It's funny how it seems that when I seem to find a way to live my life without you, you find a way to creep back in and consume all of me. My heart, my thoughts, every part of my being waits patiently, waits frantically hoping that I'll hear your voice or read your words and that the insanity of this waiting will cease. That the pounding of my heart will slow down so that I can actually breathe and soak in the moment.
Each time we talk you make these grand statements and each time I say to myself don't be fooled. But this time I gave you the benefit of the doubt. There was no drunken call, not crying, no fear it was just you FINALLY being honest with a girl that you care about and saying you will do better. And it was a girl who cares about you more than she lets on, FINALLY letting you in a little deeper to the place you want to be. All the while holding her breathe that you don't screw this up.
One day there will be a headline, woman dies from lack of oxygen, due to holding her breathe to stave off heartbreak... I hope that day is far in the future and that you live up to the words you speak in those moments neither one of us can seem to forget.
So as this dance continues where you pull me in I am allowing you to let myself get caught up in the hopes that this time you will actually live by your word and that thing called happiness can grace us both.
In the meantime I will keep one hand on the door before I step all the way through because there's a part of me who doesn't trust the words you are saying or the dream you want me to believe in. This hand will stay on the handle in the event I need to be pulled back, braced by and locked out of this room forever.
But I hope until that day we hold on to these moments and that your word rings true, for right now I am a little lost in the thought of you...