... I let myself play with fire and got caught up in some PURE stupidity. I have been talking in the last few posts about a guy that I have had a history with. I will no longer lie to myself, yes I have real feelings. I could probably even learn to be in love with him, but there is a reason we never got a chance to be together. And despite what he says, and what I only hope he continues to say IS very different from what he does.
Point being when we last spoke he said he would do a better job of keeping up, so I let a few days go by and then I text him to say what's up. Then after the week went by I let him know that his plan to keep in touch sucked. And while every conversation I have with him is lightly sparkled flirtation, I know that a text message is extremely harmless. Even more harmless are the crazy 3am drunken phone calls I receive from him, even though I always will hold true that a person's true feelings come out when they are drunk, and even though I know that when he's drunk is when he tells me that I am "The One." But truth be told for some people, i.e his baby mamma, the fact that I have known him for going on 9 years and the fact that we don't talk like we've been friend for 9 years doesn't even seem to resonate with her. I mean I may have known TD for 9 years, but our friendship is really in retrospect like a year and a half old, give or take. Clearly in it's infant stage.
So tonight, I text him and I just said that his game plan sucked. And that he needed to rethink his strategy as, we don't talk that much and while it's the new year I hope that changes. So I get a text message from "him" saying "Really (classic TD, but without his normal tone- how I was able to pick up on it is only because I KNOW him) and so I was like "Yup I said it." And the response was "I already told you. What's our plan, what's my strategy."-- The minute I read that, I knew it was his baby mama, trying to get me caught up in some nonsense that I did not create nor did I want to be a part of. So I responded with " Huh? I am talking about the fact that we have known each other for 9 years and that while our friendship is almost a decade long we don't act like we know each other. And that hopefully this year would be a little different." But like I said I knew it was his chick, so I wrote back right after "And, tell TD I said hi and to whoever I am talking to right now I hope you have a great year." At which point I decided to officially wipe my hands clean of the whole situation. I am over being pulled into some mess- I know that I am not so innocent in this. I know that I have feelings for him and I know that I have this dream that ONE DAY maybe, just maybe we'll get our chance. But at the same time, when I have to deal with this when conversations are innocent (because I am not stupid) I have to deal with a dumb chick and her own insecurities. I get a response later after I wrote that part about tell him I said hi- Don't text or call, alright. Well TD, point taken and noted. I will not text or call you anymore. If I care to know how you are doing I will ask your family and to be honest I don't want to care anymore. We both need to grow up and move on. This fantasy we are holding on to is us not living in the real world and it's causing trouble for way too many people, ourselves included. And more importantly, I am walking away because you have a beautiful little boy who needs his father and given this chicks track record with me right now, I wouldn't be surprised if she threatens to take him away and I would not be happy with myself if I let that happen, so I am letting it go. I am walking away and saying good bye because it is the best for both of us.
But don't get it twisted, you mistook kindness for weakness and you mistook the thought that I would always be around. In some respect yeah, I will applaud you from a far, I will probably run into you from time to time while I'm visiting your fam, but the one on one. consider it over with. I just hope you figure out what you are doing with that "ball n chain" because this chick telling me to no longer talk to my friend is making me very angry. But for my sanity deuces!
