The lessons we learn

... i am a work in progress. That is all that I can say. I am not perfect, I do not strive for perfection, but I do strive to get to know myself a little better. With time I make some mistakes, but I learn from them, hopefully I grow from them and continue to create a better version of  me each minute, hour and day.
   I am recently going through some drama with a friend. A person that I thought was really a good friend, one that would be there for a while. But when I think more about the friendship I am left with this realization that we didn't really know each other at all. Not that I am a shady person, but I sort of felt that I had to fit within this molded, perfect version of myself to be worthy of her friendship. So there are pieces of my life that I do not tell her or let her really know about.
  Furthermore, over the years and as we moved colleges, we grew a part. The things that I used to rely on her for advice turned into these one sided conversations. She wasn't really there to support me when I needed it and unfortunately it took me this long to say that. I don't think anything bad about her, in the time that she's been my friend she's been there when I needed someone to talk to, to laugh with to just have a friend. But the reality is we are two very different people that have been holding on to these two very different images of the other person. I was thinking about it and in the 5 years I have known her we have never had a falling out or conflict, I mean my best friend and I have never had a falling out and I have known her all of my life, but that is a very different story, she is my best friend we grew up together, she is my oldest friend and we are more like sisters than anything else. But the point is, I have known this other friend for almost 5 years. I do not know what makes her angry, I do not know how she deals with that type of anger, I do not know what she gets sad about aside from her need to be in a relationship. But these are all things I would think I would learn over the time of knowing someone. Maybe we were just acquaintances?
   But I know I have some wrong in this conflict, obviously something I said made her angry-unfortunately I do not know what that is. And what she doesn't know about me, is that I do not stew on things for too long. Eventually I get passed it and move on, with or without the other person. So while she's waiting to tell me what I did wrong, I am already moving past our friendship. I just do not have the time to invest in something like this if I do not know what the problem was in the first place and waiting two months later for her to tell me is ridiculous. Because for sure in two months my attention span will be on to something else. So what lessons do I learn from this.
  I know I am not perfect, I know that I say what I feel and sometimes it is ugly, but what people should realize is that when I was younger I used to be the person who would tell you directly- that what I said to one person be sure the person it was about would know or already did know. But as I have gotten older, I have been more aware of other people's feelings so I have moved from those decisions to using the people in my life to be a sounding board- if I feel this way should I say x,y,z to someone else. If in those moments someone finds out my feelings, it is not something I feel I need to apologize for, it wasn't something that I meant for another person to find out, especially when I find out that I am actually wrong for how I was feeling. For the people in my life, or the ones who choose to be in the future, I think they need to realize and understand that works in progress take time. I cannot to commit to changing if I am unaware of what needs to be changed.