Today I closed an amazing chapter in my life, the time that I have spent with the Frederick Douglass Distinguished Scholars. It has been an amazing journey, and reflecting back on these last 2 years I have also had to reflect on the journey of my life in general. I am in awe of the person that I have become.
My walk, nor my life in general has been perfect. I have stumbled and made choices that others might have regretted, but I took EVERY moment as a lesson to NEVER make that same mistake again. I know that there are many people who can look back on their lives and see areas they wish they could take back. Yes, there's a feeling of remorse when I look back on my life and realize that there are many areas where I could have left a better impression for the people I interacted with, but when I see who I am today, I know I couldn't be me without those hiccups along the way.
Sitting in a room with 15 young minds and one person who has imparted so much wisdom in my life, I am in awe of where I am right now. The only answer I have to say is that FAITH brought me here. I talk about my faith quite a lot. Mainly because I knew the woman I wanted to be, needed to have a stronger relationship with Christ. And He knew that day would come, sooner than I had probably bargained with Him for, but in enough time that I could be in this moment, see myself, here my words and see people's reactions to understand that I am right where I need to be.
I've been worried about whether or not I have enough of a foundation to be in the positions that I am. But I have been saying this to many people and then it FINALLY clicked for me. I have x amount of wisdom and experience on the people who are looking to me for advice and mentorship. And even if I feel that it's only two minutes more of experience, that's two minutes more than they had.
I recognize in a REAL way, how much influence I have on the lives of people around me. I am very conscious of the "power of my words" and the value that my words can speak into the lives of others. If someone told me in High School or when I started College that I would be this person, part of me would not have believed it. Through the depression and my own self-destructive behavior, I thought that the world was out to get me. But there was something that I held on to then and something that has come full circle today- I must have been burdened with this life, so that someone else didn't have to experience hell on earth. Furthermore, I must have been burdened with this life for a bigger purpose than the hurt and pain I was in then. I am seeing that second piece fulfilled, everyday that I get to encounter a new person. I am humbled by this gift and so blessed to be standing in this wonderful season with an opportunity to just love on people and to continue to spread a message of Faith to those who might be wavering.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
What's Next?....
Hey all:
So I am not really sure if I have mentioned it at all, but I am currently in a Graduate School Program! Yay me and Higher Education!!
I am only a few short weeks away from graduating, having just received confirmation that I had passed my Comprehensive Exams-- to all of those who read my blog and are in Graduate School Programs etc, CONGRATULATIONS.
With this news comes a series of questions from family, friends, co-workers etc, "What's Next?" Here's the thing, if someone had asked me when I was 16 years old and first hear about AU, if I would be at this end of the journey, I would have had answers full of doubt. My parent's had gotten divorced and with their divorce went whatever money they had saved for college. Along with that having moved across the country and not having a stable job, my mom and I didn't have much to save for in the few short years it took me to enter and complete high school.
When I first heard about AU, I knew it was a school I wanted to go to. There was something in my gut that said, I'll get there one day. Graduating High School finally knowing that I would not be attending AU post my senior year was tough to swallow. I had used finishing school as my escape from the crap I had to deal with. My education was my sanctuary. I still had setbacks, ones that I created, but despite those setbacks- being rebellious etc, I was on a path to continue to learn as much as possible to hopefully NEVER allow those setbacks to really put me in a hole.
So I graduated High School, and while my friends were either getting jobs right out, or going to 4 year institutions I enrolled in Foothill Community College. I paid my way through school. I paid for each of my classes, my textbooks etc. This probably began what set the tone for the next years of my life. I valued MY investment. I couldn't afford to mess up in a class because, well I didn't have the money or the time to make it up. So I didn't take for granted the moments that I needed to study or the time I sacrificed having fun for reading for class. I worked hard, balancing work, paying for school and may apartment and getting the grades I needed to graduate and transfer. Yes, I planned to graduate from my community college, I did not put in 2 years to not get a degree out of the experience.
It took me a little longer to graduate from Foothill then the normal 2 years. It took me about 2.5, why? I got sick , really sick and it set me back a little bit. When I graduated from Foothill, I spent a little time just working and not really sure of what I would do next.
I decided to move. Closer to my family, which meant traveling 3000 miles to the East Coast. I took a year off, taking online classes and beginning to prepare my transition to a 4 year institution. During my search, I kept coming back to AU. So when the time came to apply, only two applications went out. My application to AU and one to Ohio State University.
I got into both, but my acceptance to AU was the only one that I had physically received. The Ohio State information somehow made it to my dad's place in California. Going to AU was a dream come true, and I had made it. What set AU apart was their 5 year program and the opportunity for me to get my Master's as well as my Bachelor's degree.
I was thrilled and excited for this opportunity. Being at AU was not easy, it was tough. I worked, again, all through my time here. Again, I paid for school on my own. It was my responsibility to get the grades I needed because I couldn't afford any other option.
Doubt crept in, would I make it would I be able to continue. There were times where I struggled greatly.
But as I look back on my experiences realizing that I have been given the best gift ever, I look back with a humility and grace that has only been gifted to me by God. Through all the struggles and areas of uncertainty, I prayed to God that I would make it to the end of my dream. I wasn't sure how I was to get there, but I just knew that this is where I wanted to be.
Being so close to the finish line, I realize how BLESSED I have been and I am. God has seen me through my journey even when I didn't realize I needed Him or that He was even listening. I realize that even though I struggled, He was always there. I am so excited for His Faithfulness.
Ephesians 1:11-14 Says that it is in Christ that we find out WHO we are and what we are living for.
We find our purpose after knowing who we are in Christ and we can only get that with having Christ at the center of our lives.
So when people ask me "What's next?" I can only say, I do not know, but whatever it will be, it WILL BE GREAT and it will be FAITH Filled, because I now see no other way to get through the journey without God!
So I am not really sure if I have mentioned it at all, but I am currently in a Graduate School Program! Yay me and Higher Education!!
I am only a few short weeks away from graduating, having just received confirmation that I had passed my Comprehensive Exams-- to all of those who read my blog and are in Graduate School Programs etc, CONGRATULATIONS.
With this news comes a series of questions from family, friends, co-workers etc, "What's Next?" Here's the thing, if someone had asked me when I was 16 years old and first hear about AU, if I would be at this end of the journey, I would have had answers full of doubt. My parent's had gotten divorced and with their divorce went whatever money they had saved for college. Along with that having moved across the country and not having a stable job, my mom and I didn't have much to save for in the few short years it took me to enter and complete high school.
When I first heard about AU, I knew it was a school I wanted to go to. There was something in my gut that said, I'll get there one day. Graduating High School finally knowing that I would not be attending AU post my senior year was tough to swallow. I had used finishing school as my escape from the crap I had to deal with. My education was my sanctuary. I still had setbacks, ones that I created, but despite those setbacks- being rebellious etc, I was on a path to continue to learn as much as possible to hopefully NEVER allow those setbacks to really put me in a hole.
So I graduated High School, and while my friends were either getting jobs right out, or going to 4 year institutions I enrolled in Foothill Community College. I paid my way through school. I paid for each of my classes, my textbooks etc. This probably began what set the tone for the next years of my life. I valued MY investment. I couldn't afford to mess up in a class because, well I didn't have the money or the time to make it up. So I didn't take for granted the moments that I needed to study or the time I sacrificed having fun for reading for class. I worked hard, balancing work, paying for school and may apartment and getting the grades I needed to graduate and transfer. Yes, I planned to graduate from my community college, I did not put in 2 years to not get a degree out of the experience.
It took me a little longer to graduate from Foothill then the normal 2 years. It took me about 2.5, why? I got sick , really sick and it set me back a little bit. When I graduated from Foothill, I spent a little time just working and not really sure of what I would do next.
I decided to move. Closer to my family, which meant traveling 3000 miles to the East Coast. I took a year off, taking online classes and beginning to prepare my transition to a 4 year institution. During my search, I kept coming back to AU. So when the time came to apply, only two applications went out. My application to AU and one to Ohio State University.
I got into both, but my acceptance to AU was the only one that I had physically received. The Ohio State information somehow made it to my dad's place in California. Going to AU was a dream come true, and I had made it. What set AU apart was their 5 year program and the opportunity for me to get my Master's as well as my Bachelor's degree.
I was thrilled and excited for this opportunity. Being at AU was not easy, it was tough. I worked, again, all through my time here. Again, I paid for school on my own. It was my responsibility to get the grades I needed because I couldn't afford any other option.
Doubt crept in, would I make it would I be able to continue. There were times where I struggled greatly.
But as I look back on my experiences realizing that I have been given the best gift ever, I look back with a humility and grace that has only been gifted to me by God. Through all the struggles and areas of uncertainty, I prayed to God that I would make it to the end of my dream. I wasn't sure how I was to get there, but I just knew that this is where I wanted to be.
Being so close to the finish line, I realize how BLESSED I have been and I am. God has seen me through my journey even when I didn't realize I needed Him or that He was even listening. I realize that even though I struggled, He was always there. I am so excited for His Faithfulness.
Ephesians 1:11-14 Says that it is in Christ that we find out WHO we are and what we are living for.
We find our purpose after knowing who we are in Christ and we can only get that with having Christ at the center of our lives.
So when people ask me "What's next?" I can only say, I do not know, but whatever it will be, it WILL BE GREAT and it will be FAITH Filled, because I now see no other way to get through the journey without God!
Monday, February 20, 2012
An Open Letter to #TEAMBREEZY
Hey there TeamBREEZY and those who are anti-Chris Brown:
I normally try to keep out of the drama that is celebrity lifestyles. I may comment from time to time with friends and amongst my inner circle, but I normally do not get involved in the social media outlet as a way to enter into the back and forth or the sides of lifestyles that are not my own. But this is a time that I do need to comment and I do need to stand by something that I think needs to be discussed.
The other night was the 54th Annual Grammy Awards. Under the excitement of one of the biggest award shows of the year, there was a somber tone that swept the audience, the nation and the world. Saturday afternoon the world lost another shining figure in the music industry- Ms. Whitney Houston, passed away at the age of 48 of causes unknown. Each time the news covers her story, they flash a date that sticks out for me like a sore thumb- my birthday, one that I shared with Ms. Houston. It's sad to know that someone so full of life, so full of energy and talent, could also have a troubled life that could ultimately be the reason that her time here on earth was cut so short. The world has seen it's share of lost talent too soon- Dorothy Dandrige, Marylin, Elvis, MJ and now Ms. Houston. These last two artists are artists that have been admired by all industries for their gifts that they gave to the world to be apart of. And in probably similar tragedies, both faced a brutal set of years before their deaths under the microscope of public opinion and media attention. It's enough that they have their own pressures of life, but to add to that the success they both received, it's devastating to see and be witness to these truly remarkable artists' lives cut short.
I believe a lot can be learned from the tragic lives of MJ and Whitney, not just for the people who are in similar positions to them, but also to the fans, the world who wants to get in their lives deeper.
Chris Brown in my opinion is a rising star, who has his faults. Yes , we all know the story of him and Rhianna. What Chris Brown did was unacceptable, deplorable and should never be applauded or made the butt of a joke. Domestic violence is a REAL problem throughout the world. And if we keep making it a joke we perpetuate these problems more and more. But when people call me disgusting for my support of Chris Brown the artist, I can't wrap my head around it. When people say that he shouldn't have "gotten off" because he is famous, etc, it baffles me. Why? Chris Brown has paid his debt to society. He was convicted, he served his time, he is trying to move forward with his life and the world will not let him. I understand that he'll forever have this scarlet letter attached to his name, but he did what he was supposed to do in accorandance with the law that punished him. It wasn't as if Chris Brown paid to have the case go away. He went to court, he was penalized and now as the purpose of the justice system, he should be able to reenter society. It's not to say that he is not due a level of judgement, or that the world should just act like it never happened. But what I am saying is, how long will we continue to demonize someone who has done what he was supposed to within the system that we uphold? What is the time limit that we as a society want to set? 3 years seems to not be enough. Being on probation, following the limits of the court system, participating in anger management sessions and completing community service seems to not be enough. I am not saying that all should be forgiven, there is a serious problem with Domestic Violence in the United States that needs to be addressed, but using Chris Brown as capital to continue to put this issue on the public agenda is not the way. Chris Brown did not make Domestic Violence an issue, he just happened to make it a focal point of this decade, an important focal point. And like those men that we know before him ( Ike Turner etc) his name will forever be associated with this issue, but he is not the root of the problem, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS! I think we are investing all of our energy in making a bigger deal about Chris Brown's life than we are on the issue itself.
To deny him a chance to do what he loves is inexcusable, simply because who are we to judge. If you don't like him, do not watch him, do not listen to him. The Grammy's are a place for which talent is fostered and awarded, regardless of the lives that these artists have lead. There are countless Grammy artists and performers who have questionable lives, Rappers who have killed countless people by providing for their drug addictions, alcoholics, womanizers etc. We do not seek them out to make amends for their past, or make them examples of the lifestyles they used to lead. We know the rappers who pushed crack cocaine during their younger years, they talk about it in their raps, but we don't make them come out in a commercial talking about how they "live above the influence." We don't ask them to go into High Schools and talk to high school students about their old habits. Every time we talk about drugs we do not associate their names, instead we celebrate these artists, we applaud who they are now and yet we don't question their acts of the past.
Chris Brown does not make being a fan easy. It's in this backdrop that I address Team BREEZY, also known as Chris Brown's fan base. As a fan of his art it frustrates me to see someone so talented continuing to fall so hard. It makes me wonder who is supporting him, who are his role models, who guides him provides him a place to grow? Why does it seem that there is no one standing in his corner reminding him that this was the life he chose? Most specifically this situation between him and Rihanna, he wasn't going to have an easy road ahead and quite frankly he didn't deserve an easy road. Who is reminding him that his process, his growth, his stability was going to come from years of anger management sessions, prayer and deep reflection? Throwing chairs out windows & cursing people on Twitter are not "proper" responses to critics. It shows that there is still a level of growth that he needs to take. Like the names I mentioned before, those artists that have gone too soon, I am fearing that he doesn't get pushed too far that he ends up a tragedy like them. I pray that someone with his level of talent, finds peace in doing what he loves, not for the people who don't agree with him, but for the people who despite his shortcomings recognize that he is talented and that talent should be honored, even if the man that creates that talent needs to grow up.
To his fans, whom he calls " My Everything" , where are we showing our support for him? Instead we have our own maturity to deal with. Tweeting dumb things like "He can beat me anytime," not learning at all from this situation. Domestic Violence is not a joke, she may not look like the image that was splashed across the page, but Rihanna is a victim/survivor. There are countless other women where Domestic Violence is an everyday occurrence, it is not a joke, it is not something that you can make a punch line, it is something very real, something that needs to be addressed and something that we cannot teach our kids as funny. People have died, women, children and men from the outcomes of Domestic Violence. But to blame Chris Brown for their ignorance is unacceptable. Where are we as mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, god mothers? Where are we as strong women, strong examples of what respect of women should be? Instead the images teaching our young girls are The Real Housewives of (this city or that), Jersey Shore, Mob Wives, Basketball Wives, and Love & Hip Hop where the women are fighting each other, throwing drinks, cursing out guys and calling each other "Bs." Furthermore, we have shows like Charm School and Bad Girls Club, shows continuing to teach our young girls based on the worst examples of who we want to be. Shows like these foster environments of disrespect of others and of self. These images tease out the phrases "he can beat me anytime," without even realizing what they do. But instead of taking up why women thinks it is okay to say these things, we blame Chris Brown. Saying it's his fault that there is this disjointed understanding of what happened, when the real travesty is ignorance, PERIOD.
There is a lot of work that needs to be done, and it doesn't start with Chris Brown, it starts with us.
I normally try to keep out of the drama that is celebrity lifestyles. I may comment from time to time with friends and amongst my inner circle, but I normally do not get involved in the social media outlet as a way to enter into the back and forth or the sides of lifestyles that are not my own. But this is a time that I do need to comment and I do need to stand by something that I think needs to be discussed.
The other night was the 54th Annual Grammy Awards. Under the excitement of one of the biggest award shows of the year, there was a somber tone that swept the audience, the nation and the world. Saturday afternoon the world lost another shining figure in the music industry- Ms. Whitney Houston, passed away at the age of 48 of causes unknown. Each time the news covers her story, they flash a date that sticks out for me like a sore thumb- my birthday, one that I shared with Ms. Houston. It's sad to know that someone so full of life, so full of energy and talent, could also have a troubled life that could ultimately be the reason that her time here on earth was cut so short. The world has seen it's share of lost talent too soon- Dorothy Dandrige, Marylin, Elvis, MJ and now Ms. Houston. These last two artists are artists that have been admired by all industries for their gifts that they gave to the world to be apart of. And in probably similar tragedies, both faced a brutal set of years before their deaths under the microscope of public opinion and media attention. It's enough that they have their own pressures of life, but to add to that the success they both received, it's devastating to see and be witness to these truly remarkable artists' lives cut short.
I believe a lot can be learned from the tragic lives of MJ and Whitney, not just for the people who are in similar positions to them, but also to the fans, the world who wants to get in their lives deeper.
Chris Brown in my opinion is a rising star, who has his faults. Yes , we all know the story of him and Rhianna. What Chris Brown did was unacceptable, deplorable and should never be applauded or made the butt of a joke. Domestic violence is a REAL problem throughout the world. And if we keep making it a joke we perpetuate these problems more and more. But when people call me disgusting for my support of Chris Brown the artist, I can't wrap my head around it. When people say that he shouldn't have "gotten off" because he is famous, etc, it baffles me. Why? Chris Brown has paid his debt to society. He was convicted, he served his time, he is trying to move forward with his life and the world will not let him. I understand that he'll forever have this scarlet letter attached to his name, but he did what he was supposed to do in accorandance with the law that punished him. It wasn't as if Chris Brown paid to have the case go away. He went to court, he was penalized and now as the purpose of the justice system, he should be able to reenter society. It's not to say that he is not due a level of judgement, or that the world should just act like it never happened. But what I am saying is, how long will we continue to demonize someone who has done what he was supposed to within the system that we uphold? What is the time limit that we as a society want to set? 3 years seems to not be enough. Being on probation, following the limits of the court system, participating in anger management sessions and completing community service seems to not be enough. I am not saying that all should be forgiven, there is a serious problem with Domestic Violence in the United States that needs to be addressed, but using Chris Brown as capital to continue to put this issue on the public agenda is not the way. Chris Brown did not make Domestic Violence an issue, he just happened to make it a focal point of this decade, an important focal point. And like those men that we know before him ( Ike Turner etc) his name will forever be associated with this issue, but he is not the root of the problem, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS! I think we are investing all of our energy in making a bigger deal about Chris Brown's life than we are on the issue itself.
To deny him a chance to do what he loves is inexcusable, simply because who are we to judge. If you don't like him, do not watch him, do not listen to him. The Grammy's are a place for which talent is fostered and awarded, regardless of the lives that these artists have lead. There are countless Grammy artists and performers who have questionable lives, Rappers who have killed countless people by providing for their drug addictions, alcoholics, womanizers etc. We do not seek them out to make amends for their past, or make them examples of the lifestyles they used to lead. We know the rappers who pushed crack cocaine during their younger years, they talk about it in their raps, but we don't make them come out in a commercial talking about how they "live above the influence." We don't ask them to go into High Schools and talk to high school students about their old habits. Every time we talk about drugs we do not associate their names, instead we celebrate these artists, we applaud who they are now and yet we don't question their acts of the past.
Chris Brown does not make being a fan easy. It's in this backdrop that I address Team BREEZY, also known as Chris Brown's fan base. As a fan of his art it frustrates me to see someone so talented continuing to fall so hard. It makes me wonder who is supporting him, who are his role models, who guides him provides him a place to grow? Why does it seem that there is no one standing in his corner reminding him that this was the life he chose? Most specifically this situation between him and Rihanna, he wasn't going to have an easy road ahead and quite frankly he didn't deserve an easy road. Who is reminding him that his process, his growth, his stability was going to come from years of anger management sessions, prayer and deep reflection? Throwing chairs out windows & cursing people on Twitter are not "proper" responses to critics. It shows that there is still a level of growth that he needs to take. Like the names I mentioned before, those artists that have gone too soon, I am fearing that he doesn't get pushed too far that he ends up a tragedy like them. I pray that someone with his level of talent, finds peace in doing what he loves, not for the people who don't agree with him, but for the people who despite his shortcomings recognize that he is talented and that talent should be honored, even if the man that creates that talent needs to grow up.
To his fans, whom he calls " My Everything" , where are we showing our support for him? Instead we have our own maturity to deal with. Tweeting dumb things like "He can beat me anytime," not learning at all from this situation. Domestic Violence is not a joke, she may not look like the image that was splashed across the page, but Rihanna is a victim/survivor. There are countless other women where Domestic Violence is an everyday occurrence, it is not a joke, it is not something that you can make a punch line, it is something very real, something that needs to be addressed and something that we cannot teach our kids as funny. People have died, women, children and men from the outcomes of Domestic Violence. But to blame Chris Brown for their ignorance is unacceptable. Where are we as mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, god mothers? Where are we as strong women, strong examples of what respect of women should be? Instead the images teaching our young girls are The Real Housewives of (this city or that), Jersey Shore, Mob Wives, Basketball Wives, and Love & Hip Hop where the women are fighting each other, throwing drinks, cursing out guys and calling each other "Bs." Furthermore, we have shows like Charm School and Bad Girls Club, shows continuing to teach our young girls based on the worst examples of who we want to be. Shows like these foster environments of disrespect of others and of self. These images tease out the phrases "he can beat me anytime," without even realizing what they do. But instead of taking up why women thinks it is okay to say these things, we blame Chris Brown. Saying it's his fault that there is this disjointed understanding of what happened, when the real travesty is ignorance, PERIOD.
There is a lot of work that needs to be done, and it doesn't start with Chris Brown, it starts with us.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
A little bit of reflection
I am in such a good place right now. I have a lot to look forward to in life and a lot more life to live. My life has not been the easiest of roads traveled, for many of us it has been tough. But when we are able to live with our heads held high, still kicking and screaming for that next moment it's all the more fulfilling and all the more exciting.
Sure there are tough times, but the rough spots that we have been through make these situations seem like mere annoyances. I have prayed to be at American University, I have been blessed with seeing that dream come true. I prayed to get a Master's Degree as well and I am a few short weeks away from that experience as well. I prayed for peace of mind to let go of some areas in my life that have been broken and I am moving past these situations.
God has been a wonderful gift in my life. His grace and mercy have been so overwhelming but a good overwhelming. I am about to graduate in May, I have no idea what comes next in my life, but I am so excited for the ride. I am about to be 27 with a Master's Degree. That seems like not a lot of time left to live my life, but every day that I get to be happy, excited and just ready for a new day is another day I have. Something to look forward to, something to be motivated for and now I can continue to make plans, pray for different experiences and move forward in my life. I can devote more time to the things I love, to serving others to serving God and to just being happy and content with the little graces I have been given.
There is a protection over my life and I am just so ready for the next chapter! God is sooo good!
Sure there are tough times, but the rough spots that we have been through make these situations seem like mere annoyances. I have prayed to be at American University, I have been blessed with seeing that dream come true. I prayed to get a Master's Degree as well and I am a few short weeks away from that experience as well. I prayed for peace of mind to let go of some areas in my life that have been broken and I am moving past these situations.
God has been a wonderful gift in my life. His grace and mercy have been so overwhelming but a good overwhelming. I am about to graduate in May, I have no idea what comes next in my life, but I am so excited for the ride. I am about to be 27 with a Master's Degree. That seems like not a lot of time left to live my life, but every day that I get to be happy, excited and just ready for a new day is another day I have. Something to look forward to, something to be motivated for and now I can continue to make plans, pray for different experiences and move forward in my life. I can devote more time to the things I love, to serving others to serving God and to just being happy and content with the little graces I have been given.
There is a protection over my life and I am just so ready for the next chapter! God is sooo good!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
God is SOOO good!
Hey y'all it has been a while since I have written. And by the title of this blog, you can only get that I am going to be talking about how AWESOME God has been in my life. I do not know if you believe in Him, but I want to tell you why I am so in awe of Him.
A good friend of mine was recently in a car accident. She broke both her legs, she is missing a knee, she has a rod in one leg and is about to have a new knee and another rod in the other. She has a broken elbow and no other significant damage. I mean her face has like one or two scraps, not even visible unless you are right up close to her. She has some bruising on her pelvis, but that is all. For us, that seems like a lot. To say that is all, seems like an understatement. For one person to experience this especially someone in her early 20s, you would look at this situation and be so unsure of what comes next and how to proceed. But for HIM, this is a small stone.
My friend is alive, when she could not have been, not only is she alive she is HERSELF. She is still full of energy, full of life. She is so full of FAITH, and so confident in His love for her that she is just- AWESOME!
I have friends who have only heard "how bad the accident was," I have friends who are thinking the worst. I mean even I thought the worst until I spoke to her (via BBM) and realized it's Kathy, same ole Kathy, like nothing changed. She is so full of spirit and just so thankful to be alive and knows how much He loves her. And when you see her, all the fear and worry washes away.
I went to the hospital this morning, only speaking to her via BBM- and yes as I mentioned when I got her message I knew she was good. But sometimes you have to see it. So I saw her today and just seeing her, that fear, that worry was lifted. I mean just lifted. And I am sure there are a lot of people who might be in her position who are in a different state than she is, but God has been so good to her, watching over her, protecting her, helping her through this, healing her. That I know she will bounce back from this like nothing happened.
I just needed to share this. God has been an ever present grace in my life, I have not always been ready to receive Him until recently. Since I have come to have a stronger relationship with Him, I have just been blown away by all that He does, and all because He loves me. We do so much in life to tune Him out, to live it on our own, but He is more faithful than one could ever imagine. He stands by us even when we say we don't need Him, or want Him. He continues to love us through our imperfections. He knows our heart and loves us even though it is in dire need of repair.
So to those of you who do not know God, ask Him to speak to you as you read this. Because He is so wonderful, so awesome, so loving, it will be the best gift you could ever receive.
Have a BLESSED night!
A good friend of mine was recently in a car accident. She broke both her legs, she is missing a knee, she has a rod in one leg and is about to have a new knee and another rod in the other. She has a broken elbow and no other significant damage. I mean her face has like one or two scraps, not even visible unless you are right up close to her. She has some bruising on her pelvis, but that is all. For us, that seems like a lot. To say that is all, seems like an understatement. For one person to experience this especially someone in her early 20s, you would look at this situation and be so unsure of what comes next and how to proceed. But for HIM, this is a small stone.
My friend is alive, when she could not have been, not only is she alive she is HERSELF. She is still full of energy, full of life. She is so full of FAITH, and so confident in His love for her that she is just- AWESOME!
I have friends who have only heard "how bad the accident was," I have friends who are thinking the worst. I mean even I thought the worst until I spoke to her (via BBM) and realized it's Kathy, same ole Kathy, like nothing changed. She is so full of spirit and just so thankful to be alive and knows how much He loves her. And when you see her, all the fear and worry washes away.
I went to the hospital this morning, only speaking to her via BBM- and yes as I mentioned when I got her message I knew she was good. But sometimes you have to see it. So I saw her today and just seeing her, that fear, that worry was lifted. I mean just lifted. And I am sure there are a lot of people who might be in her position who are in a different state than she is, but God has been so good to her, watching over her, protecting her, helping her through this, healing her. That I know she will bounce back from this like nothing happened.
I just needed to share this. God has been an ever present grace in my life, I have not always been ready to receive Him until recently. Since I have come to have a stronger relationship with Him, I have just been blown away by all that He does, and all because He loves me. We do so much in life to tune Him out, to live it on our own, but He is more faithful than one could ever imagine. He stands by us even when we say we don't need Him, or want Him. He continues to love us through our imperfections. He knows our heart and loves us even though it is in dire need of repair.
So to those of you who do not know God, ask Him to speak to you as you read this. Because He is so wonderful, so awesome, so loving, it will be the best gift you could ever receive.
Have a BLESSED night!
Monday, January 16, 2012
The lessons we learn
... i am a work in progress. That is all that I can say. I am not perfect, I do not strive for perfection, but I do strive to get to know myself a little better. With time I make some mistakes, but I learn from them, hopefully I grow from them and continue to create a better version of me each minute, hour and day.
I am recently going through some drama with a friend. A person that I thought was really a good friend, one that would be there for a while. But when I think more about the friendship I am left with this realization that we didn't really know each other at all. Not that I am a shady person, but I sort of felt that I had to fit within this molded, perfect version of myself to be worthy of her friendship. So there are pieces of my life that I do not tell her or let her really know about.
Furthermore, over the years and as we moved colleges, we grew a part. The things that I used to rely on her for advice turned into these one sided conversations. She wasn't really there to support me when I needed it and unfortunately it took me this long to say that. I don't think anything bad about her, in the time that she's been my friend she's been there when I needed someone to talk to, to laugh with to just have a friend. But the reality is we are two very different people that have been holding on to these two very different images of the other person. I was thinking about it and in the 5 years I have known her we have never had a falling out or conflict, I mean my best friend and I have never had a falling out and I have known her all of my life, but that is a very different story, she is my best friend we grew up together, she is my oldest friend and we are more like sisters than anything else. But the point is, I have known this other friend for almost 5 years. I do not know what makes her angry, I do not know how she deals with that type of anger, I do not know what she gets sad about aside from her need to be in a relationship. But these are all things I would think I would learn over the time of knowing someone. Maybe we were just acquaintances?
But I know I have some wrong in this conflict, obviously something I said made her angry-unfortunately I do not know what that is. And what she doesn't know about me, is that I do not stew on things for too long. Eventually I get passed it and move on, with or without the other person. So while she's waiting to tell me what I did wrong, I am already moving past our friendship. I just do not have the time to invest in something like this if I do not know what the problem was in the first place and waiting two months later for her to tell me is ridiculous. Because for sure in two months my attention span will be on to something else. So what lessons do I learn from this.
I know I am not perfect, I know that I say what I feel and sometimes it is ugly, but what people should realize is that when I was younger I used to be the person who would tell you directly- that what I said to one person be sure the person it was about would know or already did know. But as I have gotten older, I have been more aware of other people's feelings so I have moved from those decisions to using the people in my life to be a sounding board- if I feel this way should I say x,y,z to someone else. If in those moments someone finds out my feelings, it is not something I feel I need to apologize for, it wasn't something that I meant for another person to find out, especially when I find out that I am actually wrong for how I was feeling. For the people in my life, or the ones who choose to be in the future, I think they need to realize and understand that works in progress take time. I cannot to commit to changing if I am unaware of what needs to be changed.
I am recently going through some drama with a friend. A person that I thought was really a good friend, one that would be there for a while. But when I think more about the friendship I am left with this realization that we didn't really know each other at all. Not that I am a shady person, but I sort of felt that I had to fit within this molded, perfect version of myself to be worthy of her friendship. So there are pieces of my life that I do not tell her or let her really know about.
Furthermore, over the years and as we moved colleges, we grew a part. The things that I used to rely on her for advice turned into these one sided conversations. She wasn't really there to support me when I needed it and unfortunately it took me this long to say that. I don't think anything bad about her, in the time that she's been my friend she's been there when I needed someone to talk to, to laugh with to just have a friend. But the reality is we are two very different people that have been holding on to these two very different images of the other person. I was thinking about it and in the 5 years I have known her we have never had a falling out or conflict, I mean my best friend and I have never had a falling out and I have known her all of my life, but that is a very different story, she is my best friend we grew up together, she is my oldest friend and we are more like sisters than anything else. But the point is, I have known this other friend for almost 5 years. I do not know what makes her angry, I do not know how she deals with that type of anger, I do not know what she gets sad about aside from her need to be in a relationship. But these are all things I would think I would learn over the time of knowing someone. Maybe we were just acquaintances?
But I know I have some wrong in this conflict, obviously something I said made her angry-unfortunately I do not know what that is. And what she doesn't know about me, is that I do not stew on things for too long. Eventually I get passed it and move on, with or without the other person. So while she's waiting to tell me what I did wrong, I am already moving past our friendship. I just do not have the time to invest in something like this if I do not know what the problem was in the first place and waiting two months later for her to tell me is ridiculous. Because for sure in two months my attention span will be on to something else. So what lessons do I learn from this.
I know I am not perfect, I know that I say what I feel and sometimes it is ugly, but what people should realize is that when I was younger I used to be the person who would tell you directly- that what I said to one person be sure the person it was about would know or already did know. But as I have gotten older, I have been more aware of other people's feelings so I have moved from those decisions to using the people in my life to be a sounding board- if I feel this way should I say x,y,z to someone else. If in those moments someone finds out my feelings, it is not something I feel I need to apologize for, it wasn't something that I meant for another person to find out, especially when I find out that I am actually wrong for how I was feeling. For the people in my life, or the ones who choose to be in the future, I think they need to realize and understand that works in progress take time. I cannot to commit to changing if I am unaware of what needs to be changed.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
SO CUTE!! and yes I AM having a girly moment...
When it comes to relationships, I am a work in progress... I don't know how to get into relationships, like the dating game is beyond me.. Once I'm in relationships it gets a little bit easier, but the people I have had relationships with have been friends of mine.. Good friends of mine before I started going out with them. And for a long time, once I got into the relationship it was a matter of weeks before I was ready to call it quits.
On that end, I am not the girly, sentimental person that most people think. But on an emotional level in other areas of my life, I love love. I love sappy commercials, I am a sucker for quotes. I love romantic movies. I guess in some senses people would say I am a hopeless romantic, even though I don't think I want those same things out of my love life.
So you might be wondering where this is coming from? Well I was sitting on my couch watching TV and the following commercial came on
On that end, I am not the girly, sentimental person that most people think. But on an emotional level in other areas of my life, I love love. I love sappy commercials, I am a sucker for quotes. I love romantic movies. I guess in some senses people would say I am a hopeless romantic, even though I don't think I want those same things out of my love life.
So you might be wondering where this is coming from? Well I was sitting on my couch watching TV and the following commercial came on
One! I LOVE Rachel McAdams, 2 I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Channing Tatum and the two of them together in a movie like this is bound to make anyone a little emotional. I feel like Christmas just came all over again seeing the trailer to this film. So for my Valentine's Day, I am treating myself to this film! Yes I will be that one lone ranger on yet another Valentine's Day watching a sappy movie. And who knows maybe in a little over a month I'll have someone to go watch the movie with. Yeah right!!
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