...I have a new friend who says that I don't give him more of the depth that he expects to find in friends. This is very interesting for me considering that I feel that I give a lot of myself in friendships and I feel that there are just some parts of my life that to say outloud is awkward. I know my life, I have expressed some of this life throughout my blogs, but to come out and "tell" my story to someone "outloud" is a very sacred thing. If that means anything, I mean if I invest in you enough to tell you about this innermost part of me that means that I have to trust that you are going to take care of that vulnerability. Well my track record with the male friends in my life has been a testimony that these moments aren't held with care.
So maybe I still have more to learn in giving more of myself to other people, but I think that there is time to still grow. I don't feel it necessary to continue to speak my life into moments that no longer define me. I want my life to be about the moments I make now. I get that people want to know what makes me tick, but can't you learn that by my actions right now and not the moments of the past that shaped the person that I am today? And why does it have to be my effort to let you into that space, can't you just ask the questions you are dying to know?
I think that if you want to inquire about the core of me, you have to know what questions to ask and you have to be willing to take care of that space.
Just some thoughts... no music, no image.. I'll come back and speak on this another time too. Just for now contemplating.
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