Untitled.... love

Hello world, it's been a while since I got deep in my emotions in this space. I actually separate my posts about relationships into a private blog, but I needed to not hide from the things I am about to share.

I fell in love and for the most part it was amazing. Especially when you think about all that it took to get me there. And honestly, all that it took to get him there too. We were not perfect and that's not what I was seeking. There were challenges and lots of tears. But when it was the two of us, linked in, connected, it was just this perfect simple place. Wrapped in each other, like our tangled limbs when we slept.

I miss the simplicity of love, I miss just knowing that a glance, a smile, a hug came with so much comfort and peace. But in honesty, those moments were few and far between. Love, relationships is consistency and I would be lying to myself if I didn't say I felt like I was working HARD and often alone to build a structure around a relationship.

There are many things I could say, many things that I could say to rationalize the human logic around relationships, but this post isn't about that.

As you might know, and maybe I need to do a little bit more posting on this, I am a Christian. And my walk has been colorful to say the least. This last year or so, I have been on fire for the lord. My heart ended up traveling oversees and for 6 months I had to learn to put my energy into some other place and not into the relationship I had been pushing for, for now 3 1/2 years. And in that, I found the stability of God. Which comes with so many more details, make God the Center of your Life because HE is the center of it all. When your eyes are focused on anything but God everything else becomes so complicated. Aligning with the Will of God is the simplest way to live your life. It doesn't mean it won't be challenging, because your battle every day ends up being with the world that man created and trying to flip the world's understanding to align more with God.

Anyway, if you have been graced by the love of God you know that you don't have control of the speed in which He grabs hold of those heart issues and goes to work. And there are things in our walk that we will try to keep a hold of and my imperfect, but simple and perfect man love, was one of those things that I wanted to keep hold of. I wanted to take it along in my new life.

But when you live in Christ, the old things fall away. And unfortunately, making my relationship and my heart in a place ahead of God, was one of the old things that needed to fall away. And God's timing it is PERFECT, isn't it. Two days before my heart was to return, two days before I could go back to that simple place, wrapped in each other--- the Lord gave me a word. Leave Him Alone, Let me be God in both of your lives.  I don't think if you have never heard the REAL voice of the Lord that you will understand what this meant to me. You see, I know I have been in the presence of the Holy Spirit. I know that I have been comforted by his everlasting peace. But hearing the VOICE of God has been something that I have only prayed for. That my relationship with God would deepen so incredibly that I would know the voice of the Lord when He spoke. And this day, two days before my heart returned to me, the Lord gave me my prayer and I heard His voice. And when you hear the voice of God, you know it. And when you hear the voice of God you obey it. As painful as you know it is going to be, you do.

So the first round of emotion was so hard, because I wrestled with God-- do I have to? Why? What will happen? But I begrudgingly obeyed. And in this space, I gained some peace, that what God was meaning to do would work together for my good. That what God has His hand in, is for our good. Not to destroy us, but to build us up and to set us up for something bigger. So while it hurt, I had peace.

But then recently  came the second round of emotion, when my heart, after a few weeks of silence, caught on that things were not going to return to our simple love. And here I am broken more than ever, because he is my heart, no matter how imperfect our love was. He has my heart and I can't think of any other human who will capture it the way he had. And it kills me because, in all of our challenges, the biggest one was pushing him so far, that he would hate me. And here I sit, probably the most hated person second to one other in his life and there is nothing I can do about it--- but pray.

Pray that we are both healed and comforted by the grace and wisdom of God's love. I pray that someday we might be returned to each other. Maybe not in the same fashion, but at least with understanding of what we went through together. I pray for him the most, because my biggest fear is that the man I know he is going to be, might be more delayed because of this. But, I have to trust in God's perfect timing, even though I may not understand the reasons, I trust in the love of the Lord, because I have been saved by His Grace and His Love in my life.

So there, unfiltered, raw, my heart open, very broken, but knowing it is in the hands of the Lord to heal.

The Caliber of a Man- Russell Wilson

Hey there,
 Welcome to my blog! I write a few different blogs and posted this one today about Russell Wilson, on my sports blog. If you are interested in sports, you should definitely check out my blog. It is about sports and I write in it often, but from time to time, that sphere of my writing collides with other parts of my identity and where I can create overlap I do. So check out my post below about a recent interview that Russell Wilson was in that has many talking. Hope you enjoy!

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Hey Y'all, it's your favorite SportsGal89 Innnnnnnnnn the Buildin'!
This might be one of the few times that I diverge just a little bit from true conversation around sports and let those of you who only follow this blog, see a little more into my life.

I am a Christian, and probably like many believers and non-believers I am fascinated by the caliber of a man, that is Russell Wilson. He stands apart from many athletes and celebrities in general. When we walk in this world as Christians, we are often battling what our identity means. What I appreciate about Russell Wilson, on a human level, is that he is just solid in who he is through Christ. I love that it's not this show he is putting up, he trusts, believes and stands faithfully on the word of God.

Russell has recently made the spotlight, due to his relationship with singer- Ciara (Update: 9/12/2015- I had originally posted the video here, but then it looks like they took it down. So I found an link to a brief recap of the main points, so check out the brief story )

The news outlets have made this a story that is about him proclaiming his abstinence in his relationship with her, but for me, I am more intrigued just be who he is, what he exudes beyond the fact that he is a high profile celebrity, with another high profile celebrity who happens to be abstaining from sex in their current relationship.

The little tidbits that he shares about how God has changed who he is, how he thinks, the man that he presents himself as to the world, it literally makes me overjoyed. He is a young man that I look up to. I admire his passion, his freedom to express his love for God, his faithfulness to God and his trust in God. I think in this day and age when I think about the world I can raise my children in, I hope that as they look to these men and women who have these extraordinary gifts that they can see more people who are like Russell. It definitely makes me appreciate him as more than just an athlete. I appreciate him as a person. I respect him as a person and I hope and pray that he continues to speak the way he does. I am so in awe of the God that is inside him.

I know I have digressed a little bit from the platform that many of you come to read, but I felt compelled to share this story.

That's all she wrote folks!