Funny how some simple words...

....thrust a person into both deep thought and deep confusion. I just had a conversation with a blast from my past. A person who surprises me more than even he will know. The sad thing is tomorrow I doubt he'll even remember the conversation we had or the promises he made. So in this moment, I just sit here contemplating what happened and shake my head and listen to music that only seems to speak to me in these moments, knowing that even for me tomorrow will bring a different experience and a different moment, and this particular moment in my life will just be another memory I put away with all of the other dreams and small investments into this friendship while I anticipate this next blast from the past...
So with that here is the song of the moment. Dave Matthews Band- "Say Goodbye"..


So here we are tonight
You and me together
The storm outside, the fire is bright
And in your eyes I see
What's on my mind
You've got me wild
Turned around inside
And then desire, see, is creeping
Up heavy inside here
And know you feel the same way
I do now
Now let's make this an evening
Lovers for a night, lovers for tonight
Stay here with me, love, tonight
Just for an evening
When we make
Our passion pictures
You and me twist up
Secret creatures
And we'll stay here
Tomorrow go back to being friends

Go back to being friends
But tonight let's be lovers,
We kiss and sweat
We'll turn this better thing
To the best
Of all we can offer, Just a rogue kiss
Tangled tongues and lips,
See me this way
I'm turning and turning for you
Girl just tonight

Float away here with me
An evening just wait and see
But tomorrow go back to your man
I'm back to my world
And we're back to being friends
Wait and see me,
Tonight let's do this thing
All we are is wasting hours until the sun comes up it's all ours
On our way here
Tomorrow go back to being friends

Go back to being friends
Tonight let's be lovers, say you will
And hear me call, soft-spoken whispering love
A thing or two I have to say here
Tonight let's go all the way then
Love I'll see you,
Just for this evening
Let's strip down, trip out at this
One evening starts with a kiss
Run away

And tomorrow
Back to being friends
Lovers...love...lovers
Just for tonight, one night...love you
And tomorrow say goodbye





It's crazy, it seems like this is the relationship I have with this one particular person, that in these brief moments we get to be two people who just care about each other and are trapped in this weird limbo, and then by the morning, its back to the way our lives are supposed to be-separate. Which is so frustrating, for me. Because in these brief moments, I am thrown into the dream of what could be- and for the record I like that dream :( so I guess my "Tonight, let's be lovers..." Is really me saying just keep this dream going, this moment where we just get to be. I wish that I could have that for many evenings and not just for a few fleeting moments. I don't want to go back to being friends, because when we are more than that it is so much more fun....
Or I guess to Dave, my issue is that I don't just want this for a night and I sure as hell don't want to say goodbye.. BAH!!! FRUSTRATING!!
Worse part is now I look like the crazy person who just can't let go. Well maybe, tell the jack-off who keeps coming back to stop! All I do is pick up the phone, I'm not the one who calls, HE DOES! Why?! What is the purpose of wrapping up one person into every good thing you want for yourself if you can't even take the next steps to make sure that she stays there. And even more, what is the purpose of you risking a good thing when all you have to do is just say a few words and you'd have her forever?
Well I know I may be wrong and the first part of this is that I need to also let go, and refuse to answer the phone anymore. But I guess for just tonight, I'll continue to participate in this dance we do and hold on to the dream just for a night. And tomorrow, we'll go back to being worse than friends, and that's nothing. But at least for right now I still have this fleeting moment and a dream... Night y'all..