So I have had an amazing year of finding myself and still learning to enjoy this time for me. I have realized that I have accomplished so many things and I never really took the time to enjoy them or be satisfied. This year that has been different, I have definitely grown to live in the moment and I am proud of how far I have come. I have grown to be extremely self aware and self reliant, in ways that I think had someone else had gone through what I did, that he or she might have had a different outcome. I am so blessed to be HERE right now, and I am so over the things of the past and allowing them to hold me back, that I will not settle or make apologies for not wanting to live in yesterday. Yesterday takes away from the joys of today, and I wish some people would get that.
With that said, I am still not talking to my mother. I am not holding a grudge, but I don’t trust that she will listen with understanding as I would like her to. I think that to have a conversation with my mother that is planned, she will go into it only waiting for her chance to get out what she wants and I don’t think she will ever really HEAR me. And that’s unfortunate because I mean she is my mother, but at the end of the day you definitely don’t get to choose the life you are born into, you only have the choice to do with it what you can. In the last few years I have learned that right now it’s only me and God. I mean I have support from so many people, but at the end of the day if I can’t stand on my own two feet what am I showing about the life I am living? I think I will always be hopeful for a better relationship with my mother, but the young girl who used to YEARN for it, well she’s closed the door. DUECES to who I used to be and the person that I keep hoping you will be for me. #PGS
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