Proud of these things: Gifts from my mother

 Many young girls spend a period of their lives in constant friction with their mothers. I am one of those girls--- as a more mature woman, I pray that when I have a daughter we miss those moments, because I miss the reflections of this photograph and the smiles that we shared.

I am the daughter of Regine Neptune and while we have our differences, the woman typing today recognizes the many characteristics that I am PROUD to say I have gained from her. 

One of the memories I have of my mother is her love of cooking. She loved to cook, and not because it was something she had to do, but it was something that she wanted to do. I know that her love of cooking has definitely been passed on to me. I love being in the kitchen, I love playing around with different foods and experimenting here and there. My uncle always talks about my mom's pizzas and how she would make the dough herself and try out different types of pizzas.

 I remember one end of the year party we threw at my house in elementary school, where my mother let my friends and I make our own pizzas. She and I mixed the dough together the night before and then 4 of my friends and I spent the next afternoon putting together our pizzas with different toppings. A great memory and one that I constantly return to when I think about pizza.

Another memory of my mother and the things she loved that got passed down to me is her musical talent. My mom was a great singer. She sang for my church when I was growing up. When we moved to California she sang at that church as well. I don't know if my mom was ever trained to sing, but she loved it. I can remember her singing at different times of the day, humming a tune here and there. 

Now I don't really like to share my singing---one because I don't think I am that good with my singing--well it's nothing to call Berry Gordy or Clive Davis about--HA! But I think I can at least manage a tune.  I sing, because music is something that makes me happy. Music is something that you can find that will make any mood better. There's always a song for every mood and I appreciate that. 

As I continue to work through the differences that my mother and I have, it's nice to reflect on things about our relationship that are great.  I hope one day that I can pass these talents on to my daughter and maybe one day share in the memories with my mother again.

Until then, it's pretty cool to know where my talents came from. Thanks Mom. 

It's a New Year and where have I been?!

Hey Y'all
  It's a new year and I feel like I have been MIA. My deepest apologies, but when life takes you away, you just start moving.
  So what has been new with me. Well, I set myself up for a great New Year--- I wanted to accomplish a lot this year personally, professionally, spiritually. The first thing I wanted was to gain a little more independence AWAY from AU.
  Going to school here and working (LIVING) here means that I don't have a lot of freedom. My world collides with itself frequently and that is annoying at times.

 So I bought a Game Package for the Wizards. I took different friends who were willing out to various games to watch the Wizards.

Inauguration came and went- but I was Miss Socialite- I hung out on the Mall and went to a few brunches in January! I realized that I like brunches and EventBrite is ingenious in sharing when and where different events are happening. Most events are $20 and you get to meet some awesome people!

In February I attended my FIRST (and not my last ) Gala. It was awesome to be around some amazing people who come together for charity, one day I will have a chance to participate in many more maybe even being responsible for creating one.

In March I ran my first half marathon. A goal I had been training for and planning to get to for years. I finally made that happen and during that run it was the most freeing accomplishment I have been able to achieve. I set a goal, I trained hard and I reached that goal. In the process, I found a little bit more of myself. Life for me has been a series of moving forward, out of the circumstances of my life and into the living. That run was me living, that run was me saying this is my life and my moment and it is mine.

My sister and I wanted to do something a little more educational. We realized that we were not  reading enough for ourselves. So we decided to start our own book club. We read our first book Ten Years Later  by Hoda Kotb. It was absolutely fantastic and something that I was very proud to have begun. Our next book is Bossypants by Tina Fey. But it's not what we read it's the fact that we are reading that we are motivating ourselves to stick to what we planned.

Professionally, I spent the last semester learning. Getting my footing and building what I believe to be a wonderful foundation for a nice career development. I have enjoyed the experience and although

Looking forward to 2013

So I know the new year hasn't even come and gone yet, but I am looking forward to the new 2013. I am making my list and checking it twice of all the new things I want to do---


Vacations:

1. Snowboarding weekend
2. New Orleans in June
3. Vegas for the 28th bday weekend!

Opportunities:

1.  Get involved in more volunteer experiences
2.  Rock climbing
3.  Run a half marathon
4. Attend more professional happy hours

Updates:
   (4.3.2013)
 I have yet to spend a weekend snowboarding, but I will!
 New Orleans and Vegas are all set!

I have been rock climbing and will be doing it more often.
Guess who ran a half marathon?!! This girl on March 16th, 2013 I completed my first Half Marathon. My goal time was to finish it in 2:45, I finished it in 2:48! AND IT FELT SOOOO GOOD! 

Dating 101

Hey y'all sooo where do I begin. Let's start with this, I recently decided that I was thinking/ready to start dating. I made this announcement via my Facebook page and found that quite a few of my friends and family were in agreement that it was time.
  So where to start- why wasn't I dating? Let's see, a series of relationship, but nots in HS. A 2 year half relationship in my first few years of college, sprinkled with this intense intimate friendship with another person that was off and on for a little over 3 years. And then there was Ricky, my last BF. 2 years, and not really sure what happened there. But knew I tried and it just didn't work out.
 But here is my history- friends. Easy right, you know them, they know you- hopefully, flaws and all and you can have fun because you are talking to your friend, but you have the added benefit of them being in a relationship with you, which in some cases can be an added perk. You don't go into relationships with the mindset that they are going to fail, you go into them with the mindset that they are going to go well.  When they fail, you are sort of left with this miserable pain that in some way- YOU Failed.

 Hmm... That's interesting. Needless to say, 2 years after Ricky and I started we ended. I attempted to make that intimate friendship into a relationship only to be a little too late and finally decided that Keesha needed to focus on school and building herself up before she started putting herself in a relationship. I graduated with honors from my Undergrad. Started my Master's program and graduated recently in May.
  The plan had been finish school, get me caught up to where I wanted to be, or at least on the path towards where I wanted to be. And then focus on building the fam. The other part of it was this, I needed to figure out not just who I was as me, but who I was in Christ. So I started my journey back to Grace and in his countenance to build myself up. I didn't want any relationship I jumped in to be made up of the same mistakes of the past. I mean, let's be real. Yeah I have love and appreciation for the men who graced my life, but there is still a part of me who wishes, that I hadn't made some of the choices that I did with those relationships. Some part of me wishes I could collect those little fragments of my heart that I let slip away so that there would be a whole me here when the time came to actually give my heart to the person who deserved it the most.
  Well, I've been on that path to restoration and rebuilding. And now I think it's time for me to at least test the waters, but I am setting some new rules, which probably goes against the point given that I am wanting to date, but here they are:

  Rule 1- no more friends. I get it there is comfort in the friend category, but in my history there is also discomfort and weirdness and trying to rebuild that well, NO THANK YOU. When I think of my future, he will become my BEST FRIEND. Together we will learn about each other, build each other into our lives

 Rule 2- I have to be willing... Truth be told I  hid behind my education as a reason why I wasn't trying to get into a relationship. I had homework or something to do on campus so that meant- I didn't have to go out meet new people or put myself out there. Anytime I went out it was the same place, with the same people, not really opening my options up if my only circles already know me right?!

Rule 3- PRAY! Whatever this next thing is that I open my life to has to be of God. Plain and simple

Yup, so those right now are my three rules. More for me than for the guy(s) coming into my life. As it should be, because really our lists, as women, limit us, NOT them.

 Until next time...

Dating... 1,2,3..

So a while back I wrote about a Promised Love .. I love, love. LOL. I mean I think a lot of people love love, or we wouldn't want it or fall into it. Our hearts are fragile and we tend to spend too much time giving it away and causing it too much pain.
  I have been in fleeting movements of love, but love is of God. He fashioned us to love, to show people love and honor. We were made in His image to care for others and a gift that He gave to us, is to love others.
  I know that I have been setting myself in Him and being focused on Him. I don't expect that this means that I am going to find that next or perfect person, but it does mean that I am open to it. I do have a lot to learn and a lot to grow in, but the truth is I am ready.

 I am ready for my happy and I am ready to at least have a little fun and live a little. I recently made the announcement on FB and it was well received. I can't help but feeling very vulnerable though. I mean it has been a while since I have dated AND I am also thinking about the fact that I am changing my patterns from before- no friends.. Not that I don't think there has been value in that, I just can't do that, not again. Instead I want the person that I spend the rest of my life with to be the person that becomes my best friend.
    So here goes nothing.. And here is to more writing!

"Take your Place" Dream bigger

These lines below came from Madea's Family Reunion. Actress Cicely Tyson spoke them to her family, but I think these words apply very much to the young generation of Black men and women today, that I thought it appropriate to bring it up again:

What happened to us? Who are you? Do you know who you are? What happened to the pride and the dignity and the love and respect that we had for one another. Where did it go. And how, How do we get it back? I'ma tell you.

Young Black men, take your place. We need you. Your sons and daughters need you. Did you understand what I just said. You were sold off and had no choice, yes but now it's time to stay. Take your place. Now. Starting now. Starting now. 
Young black women, you are more than your thighs and your hips. You are beautiful, strong, powerful. I want more from you. Take your place.

____________________________________

We are a strong generation with much history and growth. But there are times that we sell ourselves short as a community and as mentors. We have a history that is vibrant and while we are still trying to define ourselves in a world that keeps changing, we owe it to ourselves to be the best examples of that history and legacy. We have an opportunity to do better than the versions of ourselves that others have labeled us. I think some times out of fear of being better and bigger we find ourselves living up to the stereotypes that others set against us. These words remind me of the power we have to do more, to be better and to keep living better versions of ourselves, versions that we DREAM for ourselves. I think the most that I am trying to say-- be bigger, be better and dream for more in your life.

Forgiveness: Sometimes easier said then done...

....But with God you are able to accomplish so much. Over the last few years since I started this blog, I have talked greatly about the broken relationship with my mother. I have said multiple times that " I am over it." There was pain there, and it was hard to forget it, but easy to forgive it. But there was still much pain that I was holding on to. Those things that happened affected so much in my life- family, love, friendships etc. They were all connected, so truly forgiving meant really letting go of it ALL.
  Today at church, we were blessed to have Mike Rovner  come and speak about the amazing things God has done for his life, but also just passing on his wisdom from the things he has gone through. Mike's message was on Willingness, Obedience, and most of all Forgiveness.
  On forgiveness, Mike reminds us - "It's not a feeling, it's an act of your will." Just as much as we walk in Victory as Christians, we have to walk in forgiveness each time. I have to actively seek a habit of forgiveness. There are people that have hurt me in my life--- deeply. It is tough, to say I forgive but not actively walk in that.
  Pastor Michael following Mike's message gave us time to lay it on Him. He says cast your cares upon me. He will take care of it. Today was the first time I finally said that I'm sorry. Why? Because I finally am able to let it go. Not forgiving hurts me more than it hurts the people who have pained me. But forgiving me puts a freedom on my heart. It makes the weight that I am feeling go. After that moment with God, I found it hard to figure out what had hurt me. It was as if He erased it all. The anger, the feelings that would come back when I thought about those moments, have been replaced with PEACE. I feel nothing, except for FREEDOM!
  GOD IS FAITHFUL! He has abundant blessings to cast upon us all we have to do is say YES! Here's the kicker-- at least for me. It's not a one time yes. Everyday I wake up and have another day to live and do His will, is a moment that I say, YES LORD, move me where you see fit. He has a hand in everything I do. But there are still things I need to work on.
    I need to call upon Him more often. In EVERYTHING I do, seeking Him, asking Him being guided by Him. He has been faithful, protecting me even when I wasn't ready to hear Him. I look back on my life and am just so amazed by His love for me.
    I don't know who needs to read this, but He has much to offer you. Just be willing to say YES!