Hey all: first I would just like to say thank you to all of you who have continued to stop by and support this blog. I cannot tell you how much it truly amazes me the people that tkae time out of their day to just view it.
I know that not many of you comment--EVER! so I am hoping that sooner or later you start, let me know that what I say doesn't just fall on deaf ears. At any rate, the last few days have really sparked some stuff in my life.
I have spoken about the pain of my parent's divorce, the completely life shattering experience when dealing with abduction and relocation and then the reuniting and moving forward. But I know that I have only grazed the surface. The point of a blog is not to tell it all in one fell swoop, but for you all to gain a little bit more of me everytime I decide to post. The other thing is that I have to be ready and willing to talk about it.
For the last 2 years I have been seeing a counselor at my school- it all started with with the Haiti earthquake. I realized I was becoming very emotional and somewhat obsessed with the news and everything that was happening and primarily everything I was unable to do to help. It's funny how you go to someone seeking help for one thing, but end up getting the best life experience ever. At the counseling session, I met Rachel and amazing woman, a better confidant and a good friend. I don't think Rachel or I realized what we were about to discover on that first day I met with her. But I started talking about the earthquake that really happened, and then it turned into the metaphoric earthquake of my life. Through meeting with her I was able to learn for myself that no matter how "good" of a face I put on for the world, I was still really hurt by my mother's actions and sometimes my father's inactions. In my family-- and I don't know why, we haven't really talked about what that experience was like for me. We have all sort of moved past it in our own way-- I think it was easier to forget the pain and just pick up where we "left off" rather than talk about what happened. A few weeks ago was Rachel's last day working at my school's counseling center. As I said over the past 2 years I have grown so much-- becoming truly comfortable in my own skin and finally being able to one speak up about the past, and two let it go. There are still things that will bother me, but they don't consume me. They are not things that I have to worry about anymore because they are not my issues. I have learned how to live outside of the pain of my parents. I have learned how to live for myself. To be happy where I am and to love the person I am becoming. There is still time for the conversation with the family. I think it is important, especially as I learn a little bit more about the people they are and how their own experiences have shaped me.
Life is something amazing-- I am so glad to have been able to come out so much stronger on the other side of all of the trials. I know I am still leaving a lot out, but maybe that's what the book will be for ;) who knows..
Anyways, to all of you who are going through something, I know it might sound cliche, but seriously.. talk to someone.. It helps so much, you learn a lot more about what you are able to truly do, you learn to harness your strengths to be confident in the choices you make and to continue to move forward, so aware of yourself and what you will no longer accept.
And know that somewhere out there, there is someone like me here, rooting you on and saying I got your back..
--That's all she wrote!
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