Thank you!

Hey all:
Depending on how much you have read and how long you have followed my story, some of you know that at one point in my life I lived in the one, the only BAY AREA-- San Francisco Bay Area, for those of you who don't know. Although the reasons I was there was a little damaging, the experience overall was an amazing one. I grew up there for lack of a better term. I mean, I did my learning there. I think the growing up is something I am just now going through now- hey we all make choices that we wish we had taken a different course with. I have no regrets, but there are some decisions I made, people I hurt that I know now, I had other ways to express myself, then in the way I chose. But tis life, you win some you lose some. It's all about how you choose to move forward that makes all the difference. The healthiest choice I made for myself was leaving the Bay. I needed to do it, it was what I needed in order to find myself.
But the Bay is a place that has my heart and will always have my heart. I built my family there. The best friends a girl could have. When things were rough for me, they were my parents, my aunts, my uncles.. My brothers and sisters. I owe them a lot, more than they will ever know.
Anyways, I am planning my first trip back to Cali in two years.. I am so excited- it will be a short visit (only a week) but one that is so needed. Last night I was on the phone with I guess you can call him an ex of sorts. I mean we never had a title (just the way I liked it at the time). For all purposes we were together though, I mean our friends knew that we were seeing each other-- whether or not we were official didn't matter. Anyways, this guy and I haven't really spoken since I left Cali. The realtionship I had with him actually was a catalyst for me, despite no titles and having some moments where I wanted to hurt him (for being a guy), the realtionship I had with him taught me in a round about way that I was ready to get into a REALationship! I mean I wanted the title and everything. It was because of him that when I moved out to the East Coast I actually started dating AND had a legit bf/gf relationship. Anyways that is not the point of this conversation. We were talking last night about my experiences out here, school, work etc. And my visit next week- we may see each other at one of the events my friends are planning. But anyways, we were talking about realtionships. He was asking me if I was in one, I asked him if he was in one, and it sort of took off from there. For the first time the two of us actually talked about a relationship and it wasn't ours! ha ha, 2 years and neither one of us ever brought up the "us-talk." It was so interesting to be able to have this conversation with him, to sort of be open and blunt and to not feel a bit weird about it. He told me he was sorry if he ever did anything to hurt me-- and I thought about it and came to this conclusion- why be sorry. At that time we were both younger, we were exactly what we both needed at the time. I am no expert on relationships, Ricky was the only "legitimate" relationship, although there were guys in and out of my life over the years. But what I do know in my own flawed way is that, falling out of love with someone does hurt, but its totally worth the risk, because at the end of it all you got to take away the biggest lesson of all, that you can be loved. Having that conversation with Mike last night made me realize that I do actually get this dating thing. I have thought that I must be the plauge or something. Going out with friends, I'm usually the last one hit on..etc. But talking to Mike last night sort of gave me validation, that you know what. It's not me. I have what it takes, I just need the right person. Anyways, having that conversation with Mike was so easy. I don't know how to explain it, but it just was what I needed to hear. I know I just said it, but like I said, I have gone through this life thinking I have a lot of love to give, but I must be flawed since the realtionships I have been in werent really that, but hearing an ex say otherwise. It's pretty cool.

Anyways, there was a point I had to this. But I don't know where it went. So instead I will leave you with a song, to all those long lost loves out there, or people who just came into your life for a reason, for a season. It's time for us to say thank you for the lessons the heartache taught us and let go and move on: