Hey Y'all:
So I was reading a little bit from Mandy Hale's The Single Woman: Life, Love and a Dash of Sass . Now I was only reading a little bit because I really wanted to read the book and I saw it in a bookstore so I got through the first section (don't ask why I didn't buy it- that's another story). But I loved what I read. And my current phase of life I am blessed that there is a book like hers out there.
But the reason for this post is because Mandy in her book notes that we need to be able to celebrate our singleness and not feel like we need a relationship to make us feel like we made it or that it makes us us, but that the relationship actually compliments what and who we already are.
This spoke a lot to me especially currently. As we speak (4/25/2015) I am in Nashville. I just finished my FIFTH Half Marathon and I took the trip by myself. I had friends and even others running the race, ask me, "who are you going with." And then I get the puzzled look and the question, "Really?"
Why is that such a thing? Yes, I came by myself. I paid for my flight, I got my hotel and I paid for my ticket on my own. Why do I need a bodyguard or entourage to travel with. This country is beautiful and it needs to be explored and while I would love to have someone to enjoy it with, I don't need anyone but myself to celebrate the life I have and the experience that I am living in. Only in my singleness can I pick up and go visit a new city without having to check-in or see if my significant other wants to come along.
And furthermore, I think the question irritates me merely for being a woman. Guys can travel by themselves and no one would think otherwise, so why can't I do the same? Is it that out of the ordinary for a woman to do so?
I would like to thank my father of my independence, for teaching me to enjoy the cities that I visit and to enjoy the moment. I will say that it really is in these mini vacations that I am truly enjoying what is around me. I live in a world that is go, go, go. And by traveling in my quiet. I get to take stock of what I would normally rush through!
So here is me, Keesha in all of my singleness!
xoxoxoxo
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Monday, February 23, 2015
"What I know for sure"...
Hey There,
It has been a while since I have blogged. So Happy New Year friends! Hope that life has been treating you well.
My sister and I have a mini book club going where we try to challenge ourselves to read a book and we pick a date to talk about it. While we have only read two books in the last two years of our Sister Book club, the books have been powerful and captivating and challenged us to think beyond our current status. This most recent book was "What I know for sure," by Oprah. I recommend EVERY ONE to grab it if you have not.
The book is a collection of lessons that Oprah has been through around different themes- Joy, Gratitude, etc. My sister and I chatted about what we loved about the book last night and then my sister posed the anticipated question- "What do you know for sure?"
When reading this book, you begin to think about what lessons you know. What you carry with you through life and how do you live out those lessons. I knew this question was coming and I spent some time thinking about it. But I still didn't know how or what to articulate. So in the brief few minutes with my sister, I came to this conclusion:
What I know for sure, is to be comfortable in your own skin. What people don't know about me is I have a passion for supporting young women. I think working in a college environment brings that out in me. But as women our experiences and our identity in the world are cultivated by society and they often conflict with who we are. When I was in my younger years, you couldn't tell me nothing about my life or experiences. I "knew it all," but what I really know is that as women our identities are in conflict all the time. What I know for sure now is that I love getting older, I become more wise and I realize that getting to know me is the most important thing. I am single and knocking on 30s door, and I am okay with that. Because this is my identity right now- single, woman, friend, sister, daughter, niece, cousin, aunt, godmother. I have time for those other identities- wife, mom etc. And for now I want to just enjoy my life.
So if you are reading this, and most importantly women. What do you know for sure?
That's all she wrote....
It has been a while since I have blogged. So Happy New Year friends! Hope that life has been treating you well.
My sister and I have a mini book club going where we try to challenge ourselves to read a book and we pick a date to talk about it. While we have only read two books in the last two years of our Sister Book club, the books have been powerful and captivating and challenged us to think beyond our current status. This most recent book was "What I know for sure," by Oprah. I recommend EVERY ONE to grab it if you have not.
The book is a collection of lessons that Oprah has been through around different themes- Joy, Gratitude, etc. My sister and I chatted about what we loved about the book last night and then my sister posed the anticipated question- "What do you know for sure?"
When reading this book, you begin to think about what lessons you know. What you carry with you through life and how do you live out those lessons. I knew this question was coming and I spent some time thinking about it. But I still didn't know how or what to articulate. So in the brief few minutes with my sister, I came to this conclusion:
What I know for sure, is to be comfortable in your own skin. What people don't know about me is I have a passion for supporting young women. I think working in a college environment brings that out in me. But as women our experiences and our identity in the world are cultivated by society and they often conflict with who we are. When I was in my younger years, you couldn't tell me nothing about my life or experiences. I "knew it all," but what I really know is that as women our identities are in conflict all the time. What I know for sure now is that I love getting older, I become more wise and I realize that getting to know me is the most important thing. I am single and knocking on 30s door, and I am okay with that. Because this is my identity right now- single, woman, friend, sister, daughter, niece, cousin, aunt, godmother. I have time for those other identities- wife, mom etc. And for now I want to just enjoy my life.
So if you are reading this, and most importantly women. What do you know for sure?
That's all she wrote....
Friday, January 16, 2015
Seeing yourself reflected through others
"You are an amazing woman with a capacity that inspires me! " - this was a statement provided to me in communication with someone I work closely with in serving in the House. It came at a time, where I wasn't sure my own ability/ strength etc.
It is something that truly rejuvenates me. I spend so much time giving of myself in every area of who I am that I honestly wonder how I am caring for myself. Over the course of this week, I have been reflecting on what I desire, what I need. People have been asking me about big life decisions and choices and I don't know where to start. And as I am writing this, I am wondering if the reason I don't know where to start is because I don't truly understand or haven't spent enough time getting to know me.
Hmmmm... I think that is it. I haven't spent enough time getting to know me. Because I am selfless, I put others ahead of me, I think almost as a distraction so that I don't have to spend time focusing on me. But not because I feel it would be vein, I just don't desire to be that raw. It totally makes sense. It's why I don't speak so openly about my abduction, or my trial with drugs. It was part of my life, my experience, but it is not my story now. So I move forward. But I wonder what I am missing out on in not reflecting and not recognizing what I need or want in this life.
I think this blog went on another tangent, but a good one...
So back to the comment- "capacity" for what? I think we are all trying to find our purpose. I know I am still trying to figure out mine. It might be why making a career decision is so tough for me. I am not centered, I am restless, I am trying to figure out what my purpose is and that has not yet been answered or revealed, or I just haven't seen it clearly.
Hmmm, another food for thought.
Well folks, you are reading my brain at work. Literally... Thanks for providing me the space to process.
That's all she wrote!
It is something that truly rejuvenates me. I spend so much time giving of myself in every area of who I am that I honestly wonder how I am caring for myself. Over the course of this week, I have been reflecting on what I desire, what I need. People have been asking me about big life decisions and choices and I don't know where to start. And as I am writing this, I am wondering if the reason I don't know where to start is because I don't truly understand or haven't spent enough time getting to know me.
Hmmmm... I think that is it. I haven't spent enough time getting to know me. Because I am selfless, I put others ahead of me, I think almost as a distraction so that I don't have to spend time focusing on me. But not because I feel it would be vein, I just don't desire to be that raw. It totally makes sense. It's why I don't speak so openly about my abduction, or my trial with drugs. It was part of my life, my experience, but it is not my story now. So I move forward. But I wonder what I am missing out on in not reflecting and not recognizing what I need or want in this life.
I think this blog went on another tangent, but a good one...
So back to the comment- "capacity" for what? I think we are all trying to find our purpose. I know I am still trying to figure out mine. It might be why making a career decision is so tough for me. I am not centered, I am restless, I am trying to figure out what my purpose is and that has not yet been answered or revealed, or I just haven't seen it clearly.
Hmmm, another food for thought.
Well folks, you are reading my brain at work. Literally... Thanks for providing me the space to process.
That's all she wrote!
Saturday, July 26, 2014
We never know who we really are...
I'm in a little state of reflection today as I have had moments to just think back on my experiences and life these last couple of weeks. It's been quite the reflection and perspective shift that I have needed in my life.
This last week I have been involved in a team training and retreat and like many of Student Affairs we push ourselves outside of our comfort zones to inundate ourselves in Team Building etc.
Anyway let's just say that a lot was prompted during this week and particularly during the retreat that was helpful and stirred a lot for me that was positive. So I wrote down this statement, the title of this blog- "We never know who we really are," It was a quote that was stated prior to our conversation on communication styles.
For me I think it is really telling- we don't know who we are and it's because each day we live we change a little bit and we are still going through our life, figuring out who we are. There are definitely foundations of our identity that won't change- our heritage, our familial ties etc. But how we react to things does change as we learn lessons and experience life. So I definitely agree with this statement- "We never know who we really are," because we are in flux constantly being shaped and influenced by the life we are living.
It's a good thing though, I wouldn't want to go through this world, without experiencing the life I have lived.
That's all she wrote...
This last week I have been involved in a team training and retreat and like many of Student Affairs we push ourselves outside of our comfort zones to inundate ourselves in Team Building etc.
Anyway let's just say that a lot was prompted during this week and particularly during the retreat that was helpful and stirred a lot for me that was positive. So I wrote down this statement, the title of this blog- "We never know who we really are," It was a quote that was stated prior to our conversation on communication styles.
For me I think it is really telling- we don't know who we are and it's because each day we live we change a little bit and we are still going through our life, figuring out who we are. There are definitely foundations of our identity that won't change- our heritage, our familial ties etc. But how we react to things does change as we learn lessons and experience life. So I definitely agree with this statement- "We never know who we really are," because we are in flux constantly being shaped and influenced by the life we are living.
It's a good thing though, I wouldn't want to go through this world, without experiencing the life I have lived.
That's all she wrote...
Enjoying the skin I am in
Hey World,
It's been a while!! Sorry to leave you without a little me in your life, I am hoping not to do that again in the near future.
I have been through a lot, not bad, but these last few months since my last post, I am really seeing my life for what it is. When I stopped trying to control my life, I started LIVING... I hope that makes sense. But we spend so much time controlling our every movements and trying to get out of situations some certain results. But when I started to let go of that, and see myself as God made me. I then began to live my life out of joy and a fullness that I haven't had in a very long time.
So here I am 28, and with a lot more awareness than I have had in the past, and making more sense regarding the world around me. Things I know about myself, I am never truly satisfied. I also, know that I am not seeking perfectionism, just a little bit of stability, comfort and consistence in my life. It's not going to be easy living, and since I don't really know what that means either, I won't allow myself to be disappointed.
But here's what I am realizing for myself more and more. I have been fairly consistent in who I am- I am blunt, direct, I know what I want out of personal relationships- some exceptions, I am still learning what I want out of the intimate personal relationships.
And with that comes patience and understanding that I am dealing with people. And that relationships are more than just me. I find it funny, as a child you can't wait to grow up and do adult things right. I often hear people saying they wish they could reclaim the good ole days. But my good days are what I am living, I am not looking back and saying I wish I could re-experience that again. I have a vibrant life that I am blessed to live and a faith that reminds me that even in my flaws and shortcomings I am a work in progress and that is okay.
I have been in a constant state of reflection these last few months, probably because I am about to enter my last year in my 20s, and when I look back this last decade of my life has been an awesome one! I found my voice, I moved outside of the shadow of my parents' actions and finally created my own story of what I wanted. So with my birthday almost 12 days away I am going to enjoy these next few weeks of reflection and am looking forward to what 29 will bring!
That's all she wrote folks...
It's been a while!! Sorry to leave you without a little me in your life, I am hoping not to do that again in the near future.
I have been through a lot, not bad, but these last few months since my last post, I am really seeing my life for what it is. When I stopped trying to control my life, I started LIVING... I hope that makes sense. But we spend so much time controlling our every movements and trying to get out of situations some certain results. But when I started to let go of that, and see myself as God made me. I then began to live my life out of joy and a fullness that I haven't had in a very long time.
So here I am 28, and with a lot more awareness than I have had in the past, and making more sense regarding the world around me. Things I know about myself, I am never truly satisfied. I also, know that I am not seeking perfectionism, just a little bit of stability, comfort and consistence in my life. It's not going to be easy living, and since I don't really know what that means either, I won't allow myself to be disappointed.
But here's what I am realizing for myself more and more. I have been fairly consistent in who I am- I am blunt, direct, I know what I want out of personal relationships- some exceptions, I am still learning what I want out of the intimate personal relationships.
And with that comes patience and understanding that I am dealing with people. And that relationships are more than just me. I find it funny, as a child you can't wait to grow up and do adult things right. I often hear people saying they wish they could reclaim the good ole days. But my good days are what I am living, I am not looking back and saying I wish I could re-experience that again. I have a vibrant life that I am blessed to live and a faith that reminds me that even in my flaws and shortcomings I am a work in progress and that is okay.
I have been in a constant state of reflection these last few months, probably because I am about to enter my last year in my 20s, and when I look back this last decade of my life has been an awesome one! I found my voice, I moved outside of the shadow of my parents' actions and finally created my own story of what I wanted. So with my birthday almost 12 days away I am going to enjoy these next few weeks of reflection and am looking forward to what 29 will bring!
That's all she wrote folks...
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Identity: Can you ever really be satisfied?
Hey Y'all:
It's been a while since I have posted. We are participating in professional development training for my team and job on campus. This past year has been a little taxing in that the team has kind of been influx, with so many transitions in and out of the team.
So yesterday we had a session that sparked this thought- a question was asked of us in evaluating our thoughts- "Do you have a better understanding of your identity in participating in this session?" So here I was, reading this question and going, when can you EVER really have an understanding of your identity. Here's my take, your identity and sense of self is always in flux. Why?
Think about it today I am a single woman, educated, Haitian-American/Black, female, religious etc.. But let's focus on transitional identities. For me I am happy being single, but this will change. I will be married, a mother, so in that how can I answer if I have a better understanding of my identity? Can I ever really be, when each year I grow and become a little more comfortable with my identity.
Food for thought....
I don't know if I have an answer or if there is really a right or wrong answer, but it is interesting to think about.
....That's all she wrote...
It's been a while since I have posted. We are participating in professional development training for my team and job on campus. This past year has been a little taxing in that the team has kind of been influx, with so many transitions in and out of the team.
So yesterday we had a session that sparked this thought- a question was asked of us in evaluating our thoughts- "Do you have a better understanding of your identity in participating in this session?" So here I was, reading this question and going, when can you EVER really have an understanding of your identity. Here's my take, your identity and sense of self is always in flux. Why?
Think about it today I am a single woman, educated, Haitian-American/Black, female, religious etc.. But let's focus on transitional identities. For me I am happy being single, but this will change. I will be married, a mother, so in that how can I answer if I have a better understanding of my identity? Can I ever really be, when each year I grow and become a little more comfortable with my identity.
Food for thought....
I don't know if I have an answer or if there is really a right or wrong answer, but it is interesting to think about.
....That's all she wrote...
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Big Statements from little things...
Hey Y'all-
It has been a while. I am wondering if any of you are like me. My favorite part about the Fortune Cookie, isn't the cookie but the fortune itself. It's interesting because there is a chance that what you read on those small strips of paper is not going to be anything worthwhile.. Sometimes it is and most of the time it's worthy of a chuckle.
Well I had the luxury of opening 3 fortune cookies... I was in a mood and no I didn't eat any of the cookies actually.
My first fortune:
Treat yourself with the same dignity and respect you give others.
My second fortune:
Inspiration within is waiting for you. It's time to go deep.
My third fortune:
Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it
What the HECK! If someone wanted me to get a message, I guess I got it.Well I guess I am more open to receiving it. You might be reading these and going what's the big deal- the one thing I find salient about fortunes, they always speak right into a situation I am in.
In regards to the first one- I am a giver. Naturally. I love to love on people. And I have a lot of loyalty in friendships and all of my relationships. I honor people, the dignity and respect- yup that's me. But it's easier to shower and bless others than it is for me to shower and bless myself. Or be willing to receive the honor and blessings that others might give me. If you put me up in the middle of a room to praise me, I will literally lose my mind.
But the thing I have been contemplating for a while is this ideal or concept that has been passed along regarding love. Something to the effect of " Love yourself first, so that you can love others." I think this fortune stands up there. I am learning to...
Then the second one:
I have been on this journey of figuring out who I am, what motivates me and what my next chapter will look like. I think there has been a little bit of a point where I have caught glimpses of how others view me. It has been exciting and wonderful and weird and yeah. But if you ask me to dig deeper into my feelings or my thoughts, I don't want to get that raw. But I am looking for that drive that kick that pushes me to the next place and I guess it means I have to be willing to be more vulnerable and open. Interestingly enough, I have been talking about just that with a friend of mine, regarding a situation I am in and it's funny how while the outcomes and the circumstances are a little different, how I get there has to be the same.
And finally the third one:
If you can't tell these three fortunes actually are well connected. Or at least my situations are so close that these fortunes resonate LOUDLY within them.
But in regards to this last one- "Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it." I am an advice giver! My friends are constantly coming to me and asking me my thoughts and opinions. I am in the space of knowing for myself that I am not one who is willing to take her own advice though. So while my friends are reaping these big rewards, I am chillin in the same circumstances that I am in. I guess moral of the story, take better care of myself, be willing to be vulnerable and take my own advice!
We'll see how it goes...
It has been a while. I am wondering if any of you are like me. My favorite part about the Fortune Cookie, isn't the cookie but the fortune itself. It's interesting because there is a chance that what you read on those small strips of paper is not going to be anything worthwhile.. Sometimes it is and most of the time it's worthy of a chuckle.
Well I had the luxury of opening 3 fortune cookies... I was in a mood and no I didn't eat any of the cookies actually.
My first fortune:
Treat yourself with the same dignity and respect you give others.
My second fortune:
Inspiration within is waiting for you. It's time to go deep.
My third fortune:
Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it
What the HECK! If someone wanted me to get a message, I guess I got it.Well I guess I am more open to receiving it. You might be reading these and going what's the big deal- the one thing I find salient about fortunes, they always speak right into a situation I am in.
In regards to the first one- I am a giver. Naturally. I love to love on people. And I have a lot of loyalty in friendships and all of my relationships. I honor people, the dignity and respect- yup that's me. But it's easier to shower and bless others than it is for me to shower and bless myself. Or be willing to receive the honor and blessings that others might give me. If you put me up in the middle of a room to praise me, I will literally lose my mind.
But the thing I have been contemplating for a while is this ideal or concept that has been passed along regarding love. Something to the effect of " Love yourself first, so that you can love others." I think this fortune stands up there. I am learning to...
Then the second one:
I have been on this journey of figuring out who I am, what motivates me and what my next chapter will look like. I think there has been a little bit of a point where I have caught glimpses of how others view me. It has been exciting and wonderful and weird and yeah. But if you ask me to dig deeper into my feelings or my thoughts, I don't want to get that raw. But I am looking for that drive that kick that pushes me to the next place and I guess it means I have to be willing to be more vulnerable and open. Interestingly enough, I have been talking about just that with a friend of mine, regarding a situation I am in and it's funny how while the outcomes and the circumstances are a little different, how I get there has to be the same.
And finally the third one:
If you can't tell these three fortunes actually are well connected. Or at least my situations are so close that these fortunes resonate LOUDLY within them.
But in regards to this last one- "Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it." I am an advice giver! My friends are constantly coming to me and asking me my thoughts and opinions. I am in the space of knowing for myself that I am not one who is willing to take her own advice though. So while my friends are reaping these big rewards, I am chillin in the same circumstances that I am in. I guess moral of the story, take better care of myself, be willing to be vulnerable and take my own advice!
We'll see how it goes...
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