Happy, Single and finally loving me

It's only fitting that I am writing this on Valentine's Day. The truth is I have never really been a fan of the commercial "Hallmark Holiday," that is Valentine's Day. Some might argue that this is because I haven't been in relationships to know and understand "the value" of Valentine's Day.

Okay world, truth- I have not been in that many relationships. Why? Being that vulnerable to someone else scares the life out of me. Feeling as if I need to be that dependable to someone else freaks me out. I know that I might have a twisted idea of what love and relationships are and that is the reason that I am totally okay with my single status.
  The reality is while part of me would love to be in a relationship, the truth is I am too selfish with my life right now. The convenience  of being able to pick up the phone and almost always having someone to hang with is cool, buuuuut that's not the only reason why you are in a relationship.

My selfishness is that I enjoy my independence. I enjoy my freedom, not really having to think about another person. And that might seem messed up but that's the reality.

The other truth is I'm not surely full I have let go of my stupidity. Being non-committal for so long I don't know what or how to be in a relationship with someone else. Annnnd there is a lot that I have to forgive about and in myself before I put myself out for another person.

Do I believe in love, yes. The greatest example of an unconditional love is Jesus Christ. I have been one who has believed the false love of people close to me and have been working towards understanding what the bible and His example says of me.

Do I have a lot to learn yes?

Am I knocking anyone who is blessed to be in a relationship? No, because the value of having you in my life is that I get to learn what love is by having great examples around me.

To friends and family who constantly tell me I am getting older, my clock is ticking and I need to be on the search.... There are many more priorities I have then making myself a standard of someone's affection.

I trust that when that time comes I will be ready. I trust that when that time comes that what I want for my life, to be a wife and mother  will happen. And it will be perfect because He is at the center.

The reality is I'm not in a rush to figure this out. I'm enjoying the journey and honestly I'm enjoying getting to know myself.

If you can't be happy and content in your single life, do you really think adding someone else is going to make it better?

Lessons learned, single and loving it

There is something about Love..

It's interesting for someone like myself who doesn't really like the word love to use it as much as I have recently. The reality is I don't like the word love, because it gets used too loosely and no one in my opinion uses it with the pride and the care that it should be represented as.

I am always hesitant to use the word, but in my walk with Christ and my genuine love of the Church He has set me in, I have very much enjoyed using the word and blessing people with it. To tell people that you LOVE them, is a gift a blessing and a true honor. My church finds joy when using that word. It is a blessed word, a God word a gift that while I think some people do not cherish, I am finding examples of where that word has value. I am finding examples where that word is true and I am finding examples of where I am getting more and more comfortable to use it.

Welcoming 2014

Hey Y'all, Happy 2014! Each new year people make resolutions, things they would like to change about themselves from the previous year. I resolve to NEVER make resolutions again. 
  I don't want to keep looking at the previous year as a mistake and I don't want to look at myself as someone who can be or should be changed constantly. At 28 I am very proud of the woman I have become. I have learned to cherish the "mistakes" I have made in life as brilliant lessons learned and opportunities to learn more about who I am at my core. I have been blessed beyond belief, despite my circumstances and situations to have an amazing family (blood and not) around me. They have prayed, cried, laughed, cheered, encouraged, spoken truth and valued me through every part of my life. I wouldn't give that up for the world. Even when I fall short of the version of myself that I know that I am, I don't beat myself up about it. I take it as a moment to reflect, why did I make a certain choice, what motivated me to do so and a lesson to not make the same choices again. 

So here's what I am looking forward to in 2014:
 Making more mistakes, cherishing those around me, laughing, crying, praying, getting to know me a little bit more and most importantly Living! This thing called life, it's complicated, it's messy, but it is amazing, beautiful, captivating and it's OURS! You only get to live it once. 

Enjoy the next 364 days of the new year, make it count! Make it worth it and make it your best!

Saying "Thank you" to 2013 and "Hello" 2014

Hey there...
  This will be my last post of the 2013 year. I have been seeing a lot of people's posts on Social Media and other places ecstatic to be ringing in the new year. Many have selected a few memories that highlight their 2013, others have basically said good riddance and see you later to the year, counting down the last hours where they get to reclaim a part of their lives.


I guess I used to be one of those people. Looking forward to the new year to start over. But the reality is we don't start over we just continue the next chapter of our lives. We aren't necessarily reinventing ourselves, we are simply building upon and hopefully learning from the lessons of the past.

As I close out this year I am captivated by Psalm 50:7-15 "Make Thankfulness your sacrifice to God." As I look back on the year, there are a lot of things that didn't go as I had planned, but the reality is they went as HE had! He works all things (good and bad, whether I willed it or not) for MY good. That is one amazing thing to stand on. And for that I am Thankful. I am Thankful for another day, another year where I get to draw close to Him. To be a better example of His love for the world. Because at the end of this life, it's not about how many times we reinvent ourselves, it's really about how did we honor the blessing He gave us.

I am thankful for each and every ugly, beautiful, sad, emotional, invigorating, vibrant, playful, energetic moment I have gotten to breathe these last 365 days and these last 28 years.

 I am looking forward to the mistakes I make, to the lessons I learn, to the joys of being simply human, imperfect, but most of all BLESSED!


Happy Last Day of 2013!!!

See you in the New Year!!

Open Letter to Chris Brown

Hey Y'all:
 A while back I had written an open letter to Chris Brown's fans (Team Breezy), the short version if you don't take a look at the link was that I was appalled with how a generation of people were making the most outrageous behavior when it came to supporting Chris Brown. These individuals called people out, were disgusting on all elements of social media and made me sad to be in the same category as them- a fan. Why, because Chris Brown has faced a lot of media scrutiny regarding his torrid past and is appalling behavior. Let me clarify my fandom for you. I like Chris Brown the artist. I think he is one of the most talented artists we have in the music industry. I think on some levels he could even be considered a musical genius. However, Chris Brown the person has a lot of growing up to do- and really no judgement because we all have an element of growing up to do. But my thing is, you can't keep making the same mistakes and expect your fans to ride for you through it all.

Recently Chris Brown got into a fight (again) in DC. We know he has anger management issues (Rihanna, Drake, Frank Ocean...).  In this recent case, Chris was allowed to go to rehab to deal with his anger management issues instead of going to jail for assault. Personally, send his butt to jail. I think that there comes a time that you need to be scared straight. He didn't really have jail time for the Rihanna situation and that was his blessing. He should have taken that as his moment of reconciliation and realized that he had a great opportunity to change. And for a while he did, or at least he tried. Well, Chris is in rehab- dealing with anger management. I still think he should have gone to jail and been sentenced to a court ordered therapist, but who am I. Regardless, his latest stint in the public eye has gotten me so frustrated.

It is really hard defending him as an artist when as a person he is just so ugh!

   So today Russell Simmons posted this lovely gem

and now I am outraged! Why does Chris Brown get to "take the day off from rehab?" Um, yes I get that he is doing a good dead, but you don't get to take the day off from fixing your life. I don't know what is troubling you dude, but I pray that you get it together. Hearing your music on the radio infuriates me, seeing posts like this make me so angry. I want to be able to give you a million and one chances, but the three I have allowed myself to give you have returned with me being bankrupt. 

So to whomever is out in his sphere of influence, please support him like you haven't before. Pray for him, build him up and really pray that whatever has a stronghold gets removed.

To Chris, I need you to not think about your fans, or the fame or whatever motivates you to be an artist. Because right now the image you put out, who you are and the legacy of your life are more important. At the end of your life what do you want to be remembered by? Because right now it's chalking up to be that you are just a class a JERK! 

Love a fan who cares enough to actually tell you the truth about yourself!

My response to "Five Reasons Why Eminem will never be my icon"

** Hello, is this thing on.. As she taps the mic***

A friend of mine recently sent me an article written about Eminem, primarily knowing that I am a big fan of Em's and wanting to get my thoughts on the critique written about him.

The article "Five Reasons Why Eminem will never be my icon" spends time critiquing Eminem, his fans and an industry that supports him.

The author begins with a confession, noting that she wasn't allowed to listen to Eminem growing up. She's proud of that, and should be. It's what makes her, who she is and it definitely speaks to the values and beliefs that her family founded in her and she continues to live today. But it doesn't mean that those of us who grew up listening to Eminem should be discounted or discredited or as she notes "walk the f off the planet."

Confession: I grew up listening to Eminem. Not because my parents had much of a choice or say in what I listened to. Eminem came around for me at a time when my family was changing. This was at a time for me, when growing up on Hip Hop music, meant the world of this culture was changing. TuPac and Biggie were killed, there wasn't much coming out that could speak to the masses, and it was this white boy from Detroit that changed the way that Hip Hop functioned.

The author lays out five reasons why Eminem will not be her icon. What I find myself not agreeing with in this article is that she makes large claims about who Eminem WAS and doesn't account for areas of growth or where he has changed or developed.
 1. "Because he doesn't respect Christina (Aguliera) or anyone else really"
The Christina reference was more than a decade ago. Yes, he has gone in on other artists as the author mentioned- Mariah Carey and the like. But Mariah did go after him first and true to hip hop culture is the diss of others around you. While what he says might not always be agreeable, the rap battle and expressing your discontent with someone or something is part of what rap and hip hop are all about. But the "feuds" as she refers to them, haven't even been in existence since his last album Recovery dropped. And to assume that the people he was going after weren't involved or didn't have a hand in his responses to them is a little ignorant. 

2. Because he explicitly endorses violence and violence against women
 I will agree with this point here. Rap and Hip Hop are often very vulgar and violent. Eminem's music is not absent of this and probably pushes this limit a little more than other people might. The author states " The Marshall Mathers LP 2  proves one thing: 'Eminem hasn't changed.' It's been almost 20 years since Eminem released his first album, but he's still just as obsessed with encouraging violence--violence against women in particular." 

If you haven't listened to Eminem's album, how can you say he hasn't changed. Yes, is he misogynistic in his music, yes. As a female, do I condone it, no. But the author will argue that due to the fact that I am buying his music on some level I am choosing to, fine... But remember that this music industry is a financial business. He doesn't remain popular with songs like "Lose Yourself," or "Not Afraid," alone. Every rapper has their schtick and for Eminem it is bringing out these different personas and sometimes they are often violent. 

But what I think is unfounding is to discredit the work that he has produced that isn't misogynistic. To overlook the body of work that has had some powerfully positive impact is disappointing and misleading and failing of anyone who is critiquing him.

3. Because his vocabulary is limited (and Awful) 
 I don't at all disagree with this point. The author comments on Eminem's use of the gay slurs. And while I agree with her here, and understand the argument- "How can you make this individual a global icon," when words he uses are so degrading. There is no argument against that and one of the many faults that I do find in his music.

This is a fault of the world of Hip Hop in general.

4. Because he wants to see his Mother burn in hell.
  For me, this is the fundamental issue I have with the argument the author made. When it comes to families, we don't have a right to say what or how people should function. The reality of the situation is we were NEVER in his shoes and his anger and frustration about his mother is HIS to release. I understand people's feelings towards him releasing his frustrations for all the world to hear and that when he does that he gives the world the ability to critique him and judge him, but I don't think this is a fair assessment or one validation of the author's point.

The author writes the following:
 In perhaps the most thankless ode to a single mom the world has ever seen, Eminem buries his mother in a metaphorical grave in the rain, wishing her well on her journey to hell.

We can talk the validity of open, honest discourse on parents who failed us all we want, but those experiences don't justify the use of violent imagery and lyrics (again and again and again, no less). Period. We already know that violence is never the answer, and to see a grown-ass man perpetuating death fantasies about his mommy is plain old sad shit. But the effects can be far-reaching, and that's where it goes from sad to dangerous.

Again I say to the author, Eminem could have chosen to act on those feelings and the reality is we don't know the heart of an individual's thoughts or emotions. The truth is Eminem has allowed us to see his feelings. But for those of us who have been raised in households or environments similar to his, you can't judge us or expect us to always be thankful for the lives that we were living. Especially when parents are supposed to take care of us, kind of fail. The truth is, you will never know the burden it is that children like us continue to hold on to as we grow and continue to be adults that we are. These are burdens that we will feel for the rest of our lives and in our own ways we try to find comfort and growth from them. 

But I digress, if you have taken the time to listen to Eminem's music, you understand that he wrestles with his feelings. He goes back and forth on how angry he is with his mother. "Cleaning Out My Closet" is one of those songs. He has to release the things he has held on to, that have continued to cause him pain. Unfortunately, yes sometimes releasing your story and your pain harms others, but it's his life that was impacted (want that on display, continue to read my posts). He has a right to be able to share his story, no matter how frustrated and angry he is in that display. 

If the author did take the time to listen to this last album, the author would have heard the song "Headlights" in which Eminem does in his own way make amends to the pain he caused his mother.

 I went in headfirst, never thinking about who what I said hurt, in what verse
My Mom probably got it the worst
The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are, did I take it too far
Cleaning Out My Closet and all them other songs, but regardless I don't hate you, cause
 Ma
 You're still beautiful to me, cause you're my Mom

Cause to this day we remain estranged and I hate it though
 Cause you ain't even get to witness your grandbabies grow
But I'm sorry Mama for Cleaning Out My Closet, at the time I was angry, rightfully, 
maybe so
Never meant that far to take it though, cause now I know it's not your fault, and I'm not making jokes
That song I'll no longer play at shows and I cringe every time it's on the radio

 He'll have his own regrets and yes the author could argue that he should have thought about what his words would do before he used them in a song. But we've all spoken from anger, pain and hurt. We have used our tongues to be sharp against other individuals and Eminem is not exempt from being human. Instead of journaling, his outlet is creating songs.

The last point the author makes about the 5 reasons why Eminem will never be her icon is the following:
 5. Because he raps about killing Kim....many times
  I get it Eminem is misogynistic. It comes out in the words he chooses to use, in the metaphors he uses to talk about his mother and his ex-wife/wife/ mother of his children. To constantly berate women in this fashion, especially when he is raising two young women is disgusting and hypocritical...

But again, to the author, Kim has not been the subject of his music in the last two albums that he has drafted. And yes while his early career as you have noted in your 5 points has been filled with many reasons why you don't want to, need to or have to be his fan. The latter part of his career is why I will continue to be his fan and why I will NOT as you put it "stand up and walk the f off the planet."

There are many points that I have made that echo this next point- I think where the author would have value for me is reminding us that art, continues to live on past the behavior of an individual and Eminiem's legacy will be that of an angry individual who has misogynistic tendencies, is anti-gay and has real anger issues when it comes to his mother and his wife. 

With that being said, the question I would pose wouldn't be directed at the fans- which is my biggest criticism of her. In all of her writing she comments about how it's the fans that are the problem for perpetuating "the artist" whether it be Chris Brown or Eminem. Because the reality of the situation is she doesn't know what it was like for an Eminem to grow up in the environment that he did and yes we only have one side of the story and his mother could have done the best that she could. But it doesn't change the impact that that "best" has had on him. Nor does it change the "best" that a fan experienced and hence relates to in his music.  
At the end of the day the artist doesn't just continue to be relevant because they can drop a good verse here or there, they continue to be relevant because their music on some level strikes a cord with the audience. It is a release of the pain that one might deal with a connection point to recognizing that you aren't alone. I think for me that is often the misguided critique of hip hop music, that on some level people are ignorant to the fact that the reality of some of the artists and the fans that they represent, is not all fluffy, it is filled with vulgarity, violence and the like and the messaging and the music is not a highlight of that life, but a reminder that this is the experience of others. 
So I will give her credit for her attempt at discrediting him, and yeah he might not necessarily be a Global Icon, but then again like she noted, she didn't offer up anyone who could have been considered a Global Icon in his place.

So for her attempt I give her a "C" on this write up.


*** Drops the mic and walks away*** 

Choose Joy

Hey Y'all:
 Today in church we talked about how easy it is to repeat the false truths that the enemy throws our way, that we no longer listen to the promises of God.  This continuous opening of our ears and sometimes our hearts can lead us to no longer believe in those promises and blessings He said were ours.
   Sometimes in our lives we choose to dwell in the place that our circumstances have brought us. We choose to dwell in the trials that we are going through rather than walking through them. I have certainly been in those moments where I ALLOWED myself to sit, NO STEW, FERMENT in the pain and in the depression that is the trial I was going through.
  But HE did not forsake us. He does not put us through these situations to test us and to see how much we weep. Nor does He put us through things in which we CAN be victorious! God our Father wants bless us, abundantly in ALL things (2 Corinthians 9:6-8). So why do we listen to the falseness of the enemy as if it is our truth?
 I don't want to waste time dwelling on my lack-- and believe me I know that this is easier said than done. Instead I choose joy and celebrate my wealth.

1.  I am 27 years YOUNG
2. I am college educated with not 1 BUT 3 degrees
3. I have a hunger to learn
4. I have a hunger to see more of the world we live in
5. I HAVE A HUNGER FOR GOD
6. I am blessed due to the anointing that God has on my life
7. I have a job that pays my bills TODAY (not paying for the bills I don't yet have) but the bills I have the fortune to be responsible for RIGHT NOW
8. I have a job that provides FREE Housing
9. I have a job that can be flexible when I take the time to make it that way :) (who said I wasn't a work in progress) 
10. I have a job that allows me to be a voice FOR and WITH the people I work for
11. I have a job that allows me to be a mentor,  to have the greatest power to impart wisdom and care into others
12. I am BLESSED for and with TIME-- I can take vacations and enjoy those moments with friends and family (and yes Suze Orman, I might not be able to financially sustain it, but I choose to be happy right now and in the time that I have)
13. I have an AWESOME church Foundation, who edify, bless and elevate me DAILY!!!
14. I have a blessed family who shows me love and care unconditionally- sometimes in spite and despite of themselves at times
15. I have the best friends who I cherish dearly and who have have given me the best place of influence through the lives of their children-- My 'Kinsies!!!
16. I live in the most amazing city- the <3 li="" nation="" of="" this="">
17. I live in the most amazing country where I can openly criticize and petition and change because I care
18. I have breathe in my lungs
19. I have a strong head on my shoulders
20. I have a heart that yearns to give
21. I have a spirit that wishes to do more- not for myself, but for others
22. I have the POWER of forgiveness--- because let's be honest, holding on to anger, and hatred messes you up more than it does the other person
23. I have great people in my life who support me, guide me, council me, pray for me and challenge me for my good
24. I have a friend in God, who cares for me deeply
25. I am able to do a lot--- run, jump, sing, move, be more and do more with my life
26. I have REDEMPTION and RESTORATION in God the Father
27. I CAN and WILL choose JOY

Why 27, not just for the 27 years of my life, but how easy is it to come up with 5 or even  10 things to celebrate? And also because 7 is my lucky number...

It's easy to listen to all that continues to test you in the valley. To allow it to make you feel defeated. But choosing joy through your circumstances-- the good, the bad-- keep you on a FAITH path towards God. Choosing joy and celebrating and thanking Him for what He has blessed you with a continued connection and understanding of what He has promised. I'm not choosing joy for the "possibility of a blessed life," I am choose joy because He said it was so!

To my readers, to my followers and to my friends--choose joy in ALL things, for He will bless you ABUNDANTLY in ALL things. For those whom it is hard to choose joy, feel free to skim the past chapters of my life in the posts throughout this blog to see why choosing joy is something possible-- and more importantly, is the only choice when you have been through the things I have and can still stand here telling you that life is still amazing!

I stand with you walking it out, in Faith, knowing that He has already and will continue to bless you.


That's all she wrote folks!!!